RT @VidaRoch: A thread about a Queen: I took care of the birds at the Aquarium for 21 years. After Katrina, we evacuated every animal that…

Time to pen that Winnie the Pooh erotic novel that I’ve been outlining. https://t.co/3roRZvT4xP

RT @PFF_College: Most receiving yards by a rookie, ever

1. Ja’Marr Chase (‘21) - 1,429
2. Justin Jefferson (‘20) - 1,400

@LSUfootball htt…

RT @david8hughes: Happy new year John Lennon’s bum crack was ridiculous https://t.co/tXB4meFWid

I can’t stop playing the new album by Abstract Mindstate. As soon as it’s over, I queue it up again.

#marvisapp ⁦@OlskoolIceGre⁩

https://t.co/YNxvErx3aU https://t.co/cofYavPDpt

Sigh, that sucks. At least we beat the Falcons. #FTF

Lol. I’ll just stick with the shot, thanks. https://t.co/VP7SsKVu76

I’m not gonna be posting these, but still, I crushed this one.

Wordle 211 3/6

🟨⬛🟨⬛🟨 🟩⬛🟩🟩⬛ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Ms James, I’m curious about whether you are familiar with the phrase, “shit or get off the pot”? https://t.co/ceZqXpL4AL

Football’s pretty good right now. https://t.co/btx2a5ZOHo

RT @_callumknight: y'all, I lost my passport two years ago and have been using the same PDF scan as a substitute ever since.

this is where…

RT @dawgsports: If we could convince SEC boosters that the only way to beat A&M for recruits now is to cut off their oil money we could get…

“No one cares about your wordle” is the new “no one cares about your fantasy team”

RT @CoreyRForrester: My crazy Aunt Lita talking about everything from Kid Rock to Cancel Culture to banning Holocaust books... lord! https:…

TIL Buster Poindexter was one of the New York Dolls 🤯

Just caught myself up with what’s going on with Auburn football, and what’s the barn version of a dumpster fire?

Is there a word for the penis hole?

To the developer that worked on this before me: what the actual fuck? https://t.co/JTxUh3hsZD

RT @MelindaDeslatte: Raccoon falls through #LSU dining hall ceiling in room of packed students https://t.co/Nl5G3LaFN8 via @lsureveille

I always knew Benjamin Franklin would be a great ref. https://t.co/HYQQry8kvk

Holy cow, the crowd at #barkus today. https://t.co/Lo6Bm19C8F

A running log of dance groups in parades tonight.

1st up, Amelia AirHawts, dressed as 50s stewardesses. https://t.co/Ufspv5YyKk

RT @DiehardsSaints: A list of QBs that have thrown for 5,000 yards once.

Dan Marino, Matthew Stafford, Jameis Winston, Peyton Manning, Ju…

You would think that someone on the school board would know that being horny, naked, and swearing like sailers already is normal for 8th graders. https://t.co/9tB4C59Mj7

God, I love an email on Friday morning that ends "have a great weekend". That means "I'm not gonna bug you any more today."

Is he going to start with the microphone he’s holding? https://t.co/bXtC6gZq1r

I bet when I put a chicken from the freezer to the refrigerator, it feels hot as hell in there.

I bet dogs think we’re super over dramatic about bodily functions. The special room, the seat, the paper. Just shit in the ground already, like everyone else.

Let’s keep that Notre Dame pipeline open. Mike Brey to LSU! https://t.co/SevlJPotDz

Well fuck, now we just have to straight-up start a human being hall of flame. https://t.co/iXZIz4WBGl

Why stop at insulin? https://t.co/3A5MxtQnF9

RT @bens4lsu: @ellle_em I walk on the table and make the humans look at my butthole. AITA? https://t.co/dcJMFt2Dq9

RT @SaintsForecast: I love Ceedy, and am against this trade. The Saints are systematically removing all the fun from the roster and it sucks

RT @twodotsknowwhy: @BrianneKohl I once accidentally called my insurance agent Princess only to learn the next day that the connection suck…

IDK, let's give Baker a shot. Saints have done alright with QBs from Austin not wanted by their original team.

Young people: no one actually meets in a hotel room to discuss a job. Run like hell if someone makes that offer. (Or, if you’re willing to fuck for a job, don’t run. But that’s the offer you’re being given.) https://t.co/B0nBs0vPap

How did you get a copy of my company’s Internet Usage Policy? https://t.co/0elLPeBM1D

Aw man! Thank you Malcom. It has been a joy to watch you play. #whodat #saints

Cool. Now do the racists. https://t.co/BccVVTstoj

RT @traecrowder: ON TENNESSEE REPUBLICANS’ NEW “GAY MARRIAGE IS BAD, CHILD MARRIAGE IS FINE” BILL https://t.co/ZgeU6qaSG4

Funny. Glad there are no racists in my college’s fan base. No sireee https://t.co/t7RWvfk3R8

RT @jil_slander: Sorry it’s kind of funny to me that after almost 3 decades of agonized soul-searching it turns out that I am just some guy

You might be holding your copy of the leaderboard upside down. https://t.co/YE4yrJmZlT

You know, the hundreds of millions of dollars we spend to keep up with the Russian military might have just been a waste of money. Yoga mats…. https://t.co/MeyYVdndMN

If you just watch the first two videos in this thread, you’ll be laughing at it all afternoon. https://t.co/2fcMuMvUIJ

Customer at hair salon: I need to find something to watch.

Hairdresser : what kind of thing are you looking for?

C: A movie. Or maybe a series.

I fear that the chemicals have melted their brains.

Ugh, must be 10,000 of us trying to sign up for AMC+ simultaneously, and it isn’t happening. No one spoil Better Call Saul for me.

A part of me wants the fascists to keep banning books, because it's turned me on to some good reads that I would have never heard of.

Happy Ed Balls Day, everyone

.@drabtshirt @matt_valdez You know what I want in my bonus bit season feed? Those awkward small talks that Drab has with John Feinstein before he goes on air.

We don’t want him either. https://t.co/hHzCDlNZZ5

Do all the guys go find their fans at the draft and hang, or is @chrisolave_ just the coolest guy in the #NFL? https://t.co/8OBNb5CeKu

I bet the grains of rice who stick to the measuring cup and never get cooked feel shitty about themselves.

RT @AlvaradoJose15: Yessir! I’m definitely in there this season.

This could honestly be what changes public opinion on abortion in the south. https://t.co/7uY8Cyr9sJ

To each his own, but I’m not spending real money on a pretend ape.

That was a cool dream, catching up with old friends while the nurse at the outdoor cafe gave me my eye exam. But what was that guy from work 15 years ago doing there with us?

The only failed ding dong ditch is the one that you didn’t attempt.

100% chance that Bernie is into King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, and has been for at least a decade. https://t.co/MUHdfSmZ6s

This is free money, y'all. https://t.co/u5qDjLInDH

I thought I wasn’t a Jason Isabell fan, but I’m listening to his @kexp session, and I definitely need to give him another listen.

Jumping aboard the bandwagon of love for Kendrick’s latest.

This will be the first time that I’ve ever pulled for the Lakers at anything.

So funny how the replies to this are like it's normal for 18 Arkansas fans to meet up in a random hotel room to watch baseball. Just wait until they discover a restaurant or bar. https://t.co/9LnvHuIRP4

RT @DannyDeVito: Supreme Court my ass

This is an underrated tweet. Give my likes, you selfish bastards! https://t.co/rdPfBCBuFP

There is now nothing to stop a Louisiana or Mississippi from passing a law that says that hospitals may not provide chemotherapy to black people.

Please tell me I’m wrong.

Whatever that cost, it was the deal of a lifetime. https://t.co/BMVNEGWbcV

I wish I knew the handle for my sister’s first husband, because I would tag him here with “You would get them same number of trivia questions correct.” https://t.co/6lLeMV6iE2

RT @Crimealytics: Don't let your friends or family distract you from the fact that the Falcons are about to blow a 28-3 lead in the Super B…

RT @ARonHubbs: I see a lot of people 'whelmed' by today's image release, but this is the JWT image vs Hubble's view of the same patch of s…

RT @BarstoolNOLA: I would run through a brick wall for @demario__davis https://t.co/k2kbkHKDAW

@3YearLetterman https://t.co/z6MLNviiEH. #3. Doesn’t get you another championship ring, but who has that many fingers anyway?

I could write a screenplay set entirely in a hotel lobby and bar for a hotel simultaneously hosting a huge Indian wedding and a cat show #reallifetothescreen

I don’t really think this happened, but I wish it did. https://t.co/Hdzni4Txxu

A restaurant beer should never cost more than $3.50. This is the hill I’m willing to die on.

Amazon’s algorithm for kindle book suggestions is just books by authors that I recently read. I can find those on my own. Suggest me something I wouldn’t have otherwise seen, dumbass.

I’m nowhere near an R&B fan, but this album is really hitting for me this morning.

#marvis_app

https://t.co/nD5UndKauo https://t.co/yj6vBm7vJk

It should be like roulette and they send you a little money when you get a pattern. https://t.co/2AvYVRZaEm

RT @SaintsForecast: Saints fandom completely explained in 90 seconds

It’s gonna be really hard for Trump to make his presidential campaign rallies work with that ankle monitor on.

Hell and yes. I’ll start that pot boiling now. https://t.co/VFf6o9xfds

Miles Brennan has been on the roster a while. His first LSU completion was to Wendell Davis. https://t.co/YptCJ0WYfA

Lots of old men have this group they meet with for coffee every morning. https://t.co/igQnVB1NNh

We live in such a stupid era. https://t.co/acWuklXhTT

I love @ESPNBooger , I love @mspears96 , but my favorite Tiger on ESPN is @Realrclark25 https://t.co/CmtnfUMl8X

Siri American voice #3 is the goat of the Siri voices. Fight me.

RT @bens4lsu: @tonyposnanski @NickAdamsinUSA I’ve always contended that Tay Tay should cover “Cadillac Pussy”

RT @evansaacks: The line to sign the petition demanding the Saints undo the Chauncey Gardner-Johnson trade https://t.co/mCpsglFaNw

The real crime here is that carpet, amiright? https://t.co/hmJBQtQNHD

RT @jarrettlee12: Still looking for this person.. https://t.co/urwUkkwoOQ

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard is releasing three albums in October, and I don’t have a single person in my real life to get excited with.

RT @SickosCommittee: Welcome to Week 1. https://t.co/25ss7ya5Fj

RT @Saints: Child Please 🤣

Was it me, or was the band playing Neck as they went to commercial right there?

RT @jdickerson: 10 Times Roger Federer Blew Our Minds | TOP 10 | ATP https://t.co/98egWoctfj via @YouTube

Wordle threw me a birthday present.

Wordle 455 2/6

🟩🟩🟨⬛🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

If it includes breakfast it’s the bargain of a lifetime. https://t.co/0MKvIZy5yI

🎶 I still love my Maw and Paw 🎶 https://t.co/ZtfJskca9S

I’ve eaten turnips that were more animated than Dan Mullen doing highlights.

Big Nutz is back!

#Saints

IMO, if you can hit the crossbar and the upright on a single kick, you should get 5 points.

Zion's in shape! #Pelicans are gonna be so good. https://t.co/ChWwSkcnnO

The part where she settles on “poo poo” to describe what was left behind in the House chamber made me laugh really hard. I’m six. https://t.co/f5h8WJxWe8

🎵me my mo maba…DABA🎵 https://t.co/qYp1T2MYlH

RT @fountainsofwayn: Oh goddammit

It was a good bath when you look back and think for a split second that Jesus magically turned your bath water into gumbo.

I’d not normally pull for A&M, but I hope they win their next two so that LSU can be the team to crush their mayonnaise bowl aspirations.

It turned into We Are the World, and Lionel Richie had already gone. https://t.co/39aZmsDAVt

We don’t give a shit.

Do you see me carrying on about how I voted for Bob Dole just to prove how “independent-minded” I am? https://t.co/Vqx9RJANlK

Super glue is for when you need to permanently attach your finger to an irreparable object.

I think this is my favorite opening paragraph of a book I’ve ever read. https://t.co/8gHOIeXH0d

This aged poorly. https://t.co/miy7qUULJW

@CarolinaDoesOk @marcusparks Hell. Yes. https://t.co/V7UPjGc3Ij

It’s like being the tallest person in the lollipop guild. https://t.co/oONqTK36Ib

RT @JFeinsteinBooks: I'm devastated that Navy fired Ken Niumatalolo. Terrific coach, must better person. Navy won't be the same without him.

I just turn my phone upside down so the Saints are in first. https://t.co/a1JmKiz1Ar

That sounds like good wine. https://t.co/QtCDZ2ZBVG

No, y'all. You may not have king cake yet. Just 7 more days. Be strong. You can do it.