100% https://t.co/xN7rFzWxo5
When Twitter became a cesspool in 2023, I wrote a little script to pull down my old data. I repurposed it here, again with a program, so if you read something from a random old year, you might just be the first person ever to read it. In other words, there's no editing going on here. You can see that in 2023, I jumped from Twitter to Mastodon to post thoughts on my home page, so there's a little icon to tell you where the source was.
Other Years
2017 Micro Posts from Social Media
↕ Reverse Post Order
First thing my 6yo said when he woke up: “This is how my face looks when I wake up.”
RT @WendellPierce: #WhoDatNation bring your best energy today at the Superdome - Have to be loud all 60 minutes for the game vs the Dirty B…
The Actual Night Before Christmas https://t.co/VTB1rLcGo8 via @deadspin
Nothing sadder than the office displaying their lonely HPpy Thanksgiving card on December 22. https://t.co/C5Hc41qnGh
RT @JogMartin: Warrick Dunn is making the down payment and furnishing a home for a single mother today in Atlanta. He's done that 159 times…
I may not have any followers but at least I haven’t been Twitter owned by a Jedi or a marshmallow sandwich this week. 😄😄
RT @MoonPie: Buddy it’s saturday night and you’re talking to a marshmallow sandwich on the internet https://t.co/vniddPmGoC
I've watched this clip 4 times this morning. It's laugh out loud funny. https://t.co/n6Y5mbr3q9
Wow, this shit is so cool. https://t.co/tU2nJ4u2lY
Thank you for 280 characters, Twitter. https://t.co/SW5DHZOQgL
RT @nycsouthpaw: Come again? What kind of party? https://t.co/qpgNyj9lws
RT @NFLRT: Alex Mack got destroyed by a flag
https://t.co/0VEa7FkhwX
When I was little, Smokey came to a family campground where we were staying. I refused to shake his hand and told him, “you probably have fleas.” My parents made me go back up to him and apologize. https://t.co/lzpciAotfH
The straight talk express now zig zags through the mountains of bullshit. #UnfollowJohnMcCain
80% chance of racist remarks from the president this weekend. https://t.co/H7c2Dho1Uo
RT @SarahHuckabee: When you're attacking FBI agents because you're under criminal investigation, you're losing https://t.co/SIoAxatCjp
.@ClassicDadMoves Will describe the new U2 album as "dope"
Almost gave up on Death from Above after their horrible Voodoo set a few years back, but the new album is terrific!
Please don't use "light-years" for something that happened a long time ago. It's a unit of distance, not time. Use it to exaggerate how far away something is. 👨🏽💻(is that the right nerd emoji?)
@soundopinions Did I miss the Thanksgiving turkey shoot? Bummed.
Rightly so. It’s a top notch album. https://t.co/trOAhiddFI
Football Watcher Magazine called to say that I would probably be their Couch Potato of the Year, but I would have to submit to a lengthy interview and photo shoot. I told them that that this weekend’s rivalry games weren’t going to watch themselves. I’ll pass.
RT @ConanOBrien: Trump is already tweeting that Black Friday is the most ungrateful of all the Fridays.
RT @consequence: Very nice! Borat's #SachaBaronCohen will play the fines against Czech tourists charged with "minor hooliganism" in Kazakhs…
RT @ACLU: #SaveNetNeutrality https://t.co/edAOIrEi2R
RT @lancegould: Just shot this elephant last week in South Africa — w my iPhone. Only a sociopath would use a gun. #DonaldTrumpJr https://t…
RT @TheRickyDavila: Someone please, for the love of everything good on this earth, tell me how killing Elephants and making them trophies w…
It was so dumb to order the large mayonnaise platter with light mayo. That’s just the small mayonnaise platter, but at a higher price.
Holy shit, I got 280 characters and nothing to say.
Damn. Glad I had to poo 30 minutes before kickoff. https://t.co/ojhGsBTi3L
I was born in the past and it is so good https://t.co/JSoQfeBNve
American Vandal starts as a hilarious spoof, turns into a compelling mystery, and finally eases into a smart commentary on true crime docs.
Your dad is going to try to sleep with her in, like, four years. https://t.co/KdZNZcs4QI
The bells at Our Lady of Mercy are chiming, reminding all the neighborhood ladies to take their birth control pills.
Dangerous Minds https://t.co/ee2i5oCEtX via @instapaper
I traveled to an alternate universe today, where IHOP was fast and delicious.
A bus is not a car, stupid Captcha.
Don’t we all? https://t.co/ALE7qkfiGC
RT @McJesse: There's a layer of sweatpants between his butthole and the flag so this is not disrespectful. https://t.co/qcbuod0GCJ
RT @joshgad: Yet you support a man accused of harassment or assault by at least 12 woman after he called your wife ugly & accused ur father…
I miss the exit for my kids school, you jerk off onto horrified colleagues. Same diff. https://t.co/0mQj6I4aJ1
That’s a fucked up way to view it. It’s been a bad week for dicks and criminals, maybe. https://t.co/nTeHy631SZ
RT @DanSpenser: Not only does Trader Joe's have great prices, all of their merch fits into "Eleanor Rigby." https://t.co/TjoxbE1dAz
RT @senatorshoshana: SCREAMING. A+ troll
h/t @EvanSparks via #equifaxbreach hearing https://t.co/rggknj8hlw https://t.co/3Hawi3RmGh
God help me. I’m starting to think of Regex as a useful tool instead of as a jumble of nonsense from which to run screaming.
The pad at Alberstson's asked me if I wanted to donate $1. I said no. @deshaunwatson is a good dude. https://t.co/tLvLlp9gvW
Apparently, you only get the 280 characters if you promise to tweet some long winded joke on how wordsy you can be now.
RT @nycsouthpaw: I can think of one reason why not. https://t.co/qj3hsxW83p
🎶 twinkle twinkle little fart. How I wonder whose thou art. 🎶
“Luther Strange has Been Shooting Up” is my favorite blues album. https://t.co/0LkjfE19NB
RT @SamGrittner: Bill Cassidy always looks like he's either about to stick his dick in the mashed potatoes or he's trying to explain why he…
Just updated iOS on my iPad, and I have no idea what the fuck it's doing now. #oldman
As a former Equifax employee, the data breach is the least surprising news of the month.
I read the tweet & headline and scoffed. Read the article, and found myself nodding. https://t.co/yTvOugUV9A
Thank you! Cool pic! https://t.co/fOBMnq7nsV
The reason Scott Baio is trending.... https://t.co/xfZq3YraQi
Cushing suspended for PED use is the least surprising thing since the guy failed to tell anyone about the castaways on Gilligan's island.
Fuck, Apple. All I want is for ALL of the songs I select to make it to my phone, and then for the music app to play them.
This show was awesome. https://t.co/0SMRUdAELI
I just found the most exciting Barbie accessory on the 2nd floor of a house on the 3900 block of Claycut Rd in 18 days. https://t.co/BlCheq97U9
Don't you just sit and talk? #hardlyahero https://t.co/Age0PGirwY
RT @meganamram: Oh my god the New Yorker found JARED KUSHNER'S HARVARD ADMISSIONS ESSAY: https://t.co/HJrkRrFOAm
.@daverichard @JameyEisenberg For all of us drafting today, to Zeke, or not to Zeke?
"Saban wipes his boogers under his desk" #GameDaySignSuggestions #GameDay
"Saban like the new Taylor Swift Video" #GameDaySignSuggestions
"Saban found Kylee Jenner's Pepsi commercial inspiring". #GameDaySignSuggestions
Just finished reading an amazing bit of journalism. https://t.co/QN3KDTmTit
I use one of those random number apps to log in to work. Every time it deals me a full house, I get excited.
RT @pjwaldron: Confusing posts like this are why your "social media expert" should be an English major. "Any rumor that says otherwise is F…
RT @HoustonTX: We will not ask for immigration status or papers from anyone at any shelter. This rumor is FALSE!
"On the other side there were no Nazis. None. Not even one on a bicycle named Rolfe." @HelenPhilpot made me laugh out loud this morning.
RT @atlasobscura: The French Quarter’s iron balconies have a lot to say https://t.co/cDEdJGD0bH
I honestly don't know why jealous girl is so mad. Out of focus girl looks just like her!
Idea: Sonic, but with full service has.
You know how before a birthday, you think you'll feel different but then you really don't? That's how I feel about seeing Tiger's dong.
The great thing about @realDonaldTrump's twitter is that I can laugh at the rantings of a mentally ill person without feeling like a dick.
RT @AintNoHoIIyBack: So my mom and I share an online banking account, and she keeps changing the security questions to things I don't know…
RT @volvooceanrace: Share if you'd rather be here right now! #ThursdayThoughts ⚓️ 🐟 https://t.co/mUY5gH8eMb
RT @consequence: Watch @FooFighters rickroll their audience by performing "Never Gonna Give Up" with @RickAstley: https://t.co/p3mLn7VdqR h…
.@ClassicDadMoves Duct tape is 50% of the standard dad fix-it arsenal. https://t.co/aKWvexpmcZ
I'm aiming to run over a squirrel. Lost my beagle to cancer today. She's gonna need something up there to chase.
RT @MrGeorgeWallace: This is bullshit! I had tickets to see the Strategy and Policy Forum and the Manufacturing Council at Staples Center i…
LOLing at @moneymetalcakes telling Steve Fuerestein that his next booking should be MC Search. No one I know will get this at all.
I bet the people in charge of delivering Trump a packet of positive propaganda every morning are having a very rough time of it today.
RT @RexHuppke: Couple things:
a) Saying just because you support Trump doesn't make you a racist is saying that Trump is a racist b) These…
RT @iaaforg: If you only watch one race from #IAAFworlds today, make it the women's 3000m steeplechase final.
@emmajcoburn leads home a @u…
Then turn it the fuck off. https://t.co/lCwansqNTg
RT @regrettesband: this is so amazing https://t.co/MwYNFb2R8W
"Sir, Kim Jong Un has threatened to nuke Guam."
"What do I care about Guam? I said that he best not threaten the United States."
I HATE the layout of @nytimes new iPad app. Bring me fewer pics and more/better article summaries like I used to have.
We're living in the dumbest point in human history. https://t.co/swqaPoVOCL
RT @EliBraden: Track 9 on Phish's last album is longer than Scaramucci's tenure
I've never amassed 2 pages of likes in 1 day before. Steve Bannon trying to ...(you know)... was a Twitter goldmine!
.@marcroberge Do you call your groupies hOARs?
.@BillCassidy got bullied by an historically unpopular president into voting to take away my family's health insurance.
Nice job flushing, bathroom user before me at Highland Coffee 💩💩💩
Pretty sure the president is starting to mix up his jerk off fantasies with the news. https://t.co/zvR7J20QEW
RT @shermanelis: I'm in hysterics https://t.co/6M2BR2J37w
RT @lad: This is the best video ever https://t.co/K065H6RJfQ
Left Seattle on Wednesday. Today, I've seen/heard 4 !! references to @kexp from unrelated places. Not sure what the universe is telling me.
I'm already mega-stunned by how you think capitalization works. https://t.co/u0EJMG9IdQ
Advanced Computer Science Vocab Schrdinger's Bug: When the act of trying to observe a software problem causes the problem not to happen.
RT @Izianikapani: The hardest thing about adopting a puppy is explaining to him why I haven't got 10 titties.
Fucking fascinating (not being sarcastic) https://t.co/3BIPpypzgY
Happy Night of the Cowering Dogs!
RT @sv_lewis: Basically a renaissance painting https://t.co/ROGHicoZp9
"Boloney Thief" as a band name. You can use that, if you want.
RT @C_Hanagriff: LSU flags still full price https://t.co/NQ6lN9Ik3Z
RT @harbend: @BillCassidy please protect our healthcare. About 100 folks took off work to plead First do no harm. @IndivisibleNO @Indivisi…
The "straight talk express" was purchased by a junkyard outside of South Tuscon for $175 and a case of Bush Light. https://t.co/LiJko7Menx
Even a broken clock is right twice a day. https://t.co/gSbg95vEAL
Damn! https://t.co/mMP5vPtklR
I've been trying to tweet the link to this for a week. I'm not smart enough to come up with the words for how good it is. Just read it. https://t.co/LYzkoGi0u8
@JohnKennedyLA Please tell me you aren't going to eff up the only market where I can buy health insurance.
@juliaturner Please tell me I can still send you a song for the Summer Strut playlist.
Hey everyone! Boomarang is running old Looney Tunes. #workfromhome #summervacation
@Gunnja -- @Cubs picked a winner in the first round yesterday. Now you've got a reason to watch the College World Series with us!
I can't believe I've turned into someone who watches congressional hearings live. That was about as likely as me having skydiving sex.
If Jeff Sessions isn't corrupt, how come he sounds just like Boss Hogg?
"The natives are getting restless" is a really dangerous phrase to put in a work email.
@WRKF Quit stepping on breaking news with pre-recorded ads!!!
Dude with spiky hair with dyed blond tips just walked in as "God Gave Rock and Roll to You" started playing on the speakers. #80s #hairband
RT @TheOnion: Nation's Shirtless, Shoeless March On Washington For Equal-Service Rights https://t.co/JkUjXE5OkD https://t.co/3EVHg6Dwbi
@PJVogt lily https://t.co/sFLMCAQA7P
👍🏼the sentiment, but something about bathing your building in light to prove you care about wasting energy seems 😕 https://t.co/puWT2vLXpn
Is Oregon a person, or is the golf team a person? Either way, it's not a person. https://t.co/CIiLaLbSVM
I need 2 phones, for when I've got some tunes and a podcast that I really want to hear at the same time.
RT @Madonna: Allow it................🤡 https://t.co/dY6S1fjAYX
Doc: are you moving your bowels regularly? Me: more like the cylons attack my insides every 33 minutes.
RT @arishapiro: Whoever wrote this headline in @TheEconomist should be either promoted or fired, I can't decide which. https://t.co/y9hnlUJ…
This is fucking brilliant. https://t.co/KnWezoEPvy
There are a lot of hot women in their 40s and 50s. https://t.co/yeA3VECqp6
RT @MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to all the birth mommas, adoption mommas, step mommas and foster mommas with the raising and the caring and…
@garretgraves I'm a white, male small business owner in your district. You shit all over me with your vote yesterday.
Had an application crash this morning, and amongst the hex gibbrish on the crash screen was the phrase "0f2e4 54a1 dead beef c09f"
Can't believe I have to get the kids up and off to school on #edballsday
This weekend is one of Louisiana's best of the year. @festivalintl @jazzfest and @Zurich_Classic. Hope the weather doesn't wash it all out!
Music lovers and those chained to a desk, this @soundopinions episode with @mavisstaples was pure joy. https://t.co/tlzZPPkG40
Almost late to school. On the sign in form, I was going to list "lengthy bowel movement" in the Why Late column. #honesty
When you have $380k of cocaine to move, you should probably just rent a car. https://t.co/hvKWEXrrSK
RT @GulfSails: Free US Sailing course this summer for one lucky little gal. https://t.co/QCIcdaPhEY
16 knots on a beam reach to where I'm going is like 🎄. #nolasailing https://t.co/evr76vD4im
If you don't want a butt shakin in your face, don't turn on The Bee Gees.
I bet the article's one line: "Because he don't like black folks." https://t.co/6j1nusKrnZ
Hope you're enjoying vacation @drewmagary. 'Cause I'm waiting for kid activities on a Tuesday night without a funbag to read. Week ruined.
Noooooo. Not fake looking at all 🙄🤥 https://t.co/Xtttbwft5X
If I was organizing a festival, I'd feature "Chicks who rock your balls off day", lining up @Bully, @TacocaTs, and @regrettesband .
Here's hoping that no one dunks @SarBeMye 's toothbrush in the toilet in honor of #NationalSiblingsDay
At this point, Louisiana's no worse than 5th or 6th most corrupt state. #lapride https://t.co/45IkJ1rSt0
Several youth choir members didn't show up at the awards thing yesterday to receive their perfect attendance certificates.
Well shit, I was planning on going to Lowe's now, not watch bonus Masters. #makeaputt
No chance this Russian frigate could pass a Louisiana vehicle emission inspection. https://t.co/3kA2yyibIZ
Why are my $6 sunglasses lopsided? #questionsThatAnswerThemselves
When @maddow show and @BrietbartNews run stories calling you unqualified in the same week. https://t.co/MXDg3vu4Bj. HT @ChrisKinard
.@realDonaldTrump wants a cookie for normal things, like condemning chem weapons attacks or denying racists a seat on the security council.
High school students! https://t.co/y5YDiO1bpQ
.@pepsi's ad isn't nearly as offensive as the taste of Pepsi itself.
Can someone hire me as a tennis reporter? I'm at least watching the matches. https://t.co/NJKe1P69WQ
Pretty smart tweet. Congrats to #Mississippistate Which team will bring the trophy back to the #sec? https://t.co/RKQkD9aQTJ
Excited to see @shovelsandrope today at #HogsfortheCause #nola
RT @DavidWondrich: No comment needed. https://t.co/C9YIqm1wKj
@matt_valdez @moneymetalcakes No way Bish's golf pool is that complicated. I develop web systems. I'll build out for the chance to buy in.
This is real.
Also, fuckface von clownstick. https://t.co/xZ6sr9bvlo
RT @TheOnion: Mike Pence Asks Waiter To Remove Mrs. Butterworth From Table Until Wife Arrives https://t.co/gz14KYCvBh https://t.co/9H1fZS4a…
"I can't be alone with a woman and trust myself not to fuck her." Something wrong with you, man. https://t.co/Dvm6YmsJde
Women's hoops is boring without Pat Summit. Ask Auriemma when he plans to retire, give him all the trophies, and resume the sport after.
Shame! https://t.co/ErvnqGGMYB
RT @drs2222: "We just can't make mistakes, right? So we don't make mistakes. Go ahead, Ken..."
"I'm Chuck..."
@chrislhayes @KatyTurNBC ht…
Over/under for raiders moving OUT of Vegas: 2022
Awesome decision. Booze + heated emotions + guns. What could go wrong? https://t.co/gFHPUCgHpk
RT @AoDespair: I can only quote Abraham Lincoln, who I just learned was a Republican: "Health care is fucking complicated. I really gotta r…
This is BAD 👏🏼ASS👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 https://t.co/hWt97VnLYp
@willwadevcu Congratulations and good luck!
.@realDonaldTrump has teed it up more this year than @TigerWoods.
RT @stevesilberman: Amazing letter from Carl Sagan to Chuck Berry. Via the wonderful @lettersofnote. https://t.co/pRAWCc14wX
Brother, even this heathen. Knows Jesus was a Jew. There were no Christians yet, back when he was talking. https://t.co/J2DCxbN46m
@JFeinsteinBooks what would Dean Smith have said about having to ply in SC because of the stupid bathroom law?
I don't know my U.K. history, but I bet this tweet is really funny. https://t.co/eaAZ573UZu
Crankin to @regrettesband in the parking lot while the kid is in choir practice. Supporting super talented kids 2x simultaneously. 🎧🎸🎶
First, go get an Apple TV or a Roku. You sure you didn't want those on Betamax? https://t.co/xx7wCKsCsJ
- You are brilliant.
- You text about the 🐶 A LOT. https://t.co/V5RHjDXr9B
I'll put up with a lot from the administration, but ignorantly citing cartoons that you've clearly never watched is a step too far! #resist https://t.co/nO1WJAatBs
RT @SirEviscerate: If Kellyanne Conway is right and microwaves spy on us, the CIA has a hell of a lot of data on me reheating coffee then f…
This is totally how it would go if someone asked me for a tv interview. https://t.co/3hh9o9SdtN
Holy cow, this will be amazing. #sailing #norway
https://t.co/Ht1tCB4Kk0
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Bringin' back "nitwit" 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
“Whoever voted for this is a nitwit.”
https://t.co/4IhcbYIuJu
Your BM's are much different than mine. Mine are like the @Saints on offense (explosive), and like @AZCardinals on D (great coverage). https://t.co/m1esy5OsW2
Mindy Cohn wants to know where the podcast is that tries to find where she disappeared to.
RT @Gunnja: What a horrible man. Ignorant buffoon squared! https://t.co/IlSHn36qr7
😂😂 https://t.co/yqvRL41QtD
RT @cari_nation: Jimmy Kimmel thinks Mahershala is a weird name? Jimmy Kimmel sounds like dog treats.
Can I please get this on a coffee mug? https://t.co/3eBKfIk2S9
RT @nytimes: Ready to conquer The New York Times Crossword? Here's a sampling of past puzzles to get you started. https://t.co/WGX8DLAzCu
...or how Hitler convinced his people that the free press was the enemy, so he could proceed... https://t.co/Y1eQIuxJes
RT @DavidWondrich: America is already pretty fucking great. https://t.co/ZLOiUjSuvR
I believe you nailed it, @SirEviscerate https://t.co/OA62UFSNTa
Jesus H. Imagine getting a tweet like that from @alanalda! https://t.co/zknflVU3yP
.@KellyannePolls is looking rough. I don't think she's gotten a good drink of human blood in a couple of days. https://t.co/kfIVwIo9wE
🎩 tip - @dak's alright in my book. But I'll go kicking and screaming before I like the @dallascowboys ! https://t.co/17ft7TLzD9
DVR alert: Bates Motel returns Monday!
RT @DannyDutch: No one is safe from PM Steal Yo Girl! https://t.co/TYrTV1U4CN
How is @chancetherapper a new artist? I'm a 45 year old white guy from nowhere near Chicago, and Acid Rap has been in MY iTunes 2 years.
RT @Saints: The Bacchus parade will honor #Saints50 this year! Check out the floats! PHOTOS: https://t.co/FaklfHrY5i https://t.co/ddblhC9q…
At least we should get the most balls in the draft lottery. That's how it works, right? https://t.co/KjqLgSLikW
RT @outsidemagazine: We can't stop watching this video. Seriously. https://t.co/FJ7P2zL0OB
😂 movie makers ALWAYS screw up the sailing parts of movie scenes... https://t.co/LP8kqX6ABT
.@againstme 's last 2 albums are great. As long as they put ou stuff like that, I don't care who the label is. https://t.co/PddbaDl0QV
Fucked up reason to risk American lives. Does he understand that he's in the White House for real? https://t.co/MSCv0qS6UX
RT @MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to shipping. Handling can go to hell.
In fairness, the rally was scheduled at the same time as the Season Premier of Buck Buck Moose! https://t.co/kwBqv8rNA8
I think @realDonaldTrump and @PressSec have slept together! https://t.co/uKCQHC9PGE
I don't think there's a single Bush administration official who hasn't written an op-ed about what a shitty president @realDonaldTrump is.
RT @cbfowler: Chinese New Year makes it Year of the Rooster. In sports, starting as Year of the 🐐 (GOAT): Federer, Serena, Brady. Saban was…
.@JimmyJohnson looks more like a guy in a Jimmy Johnson rubber mask than he does like actual Jimmy Johnson.
Hall of Fame?? When you bury information that would keep people safe, you should be voted into prison! https://t.co/nVFiW2pHL0
It's not that hot in here. I'm taking off all my clothes just because it's fun. #FactCheckASong
RT @serial: Psssst...
https://t.co/ZXs1KSsiTx
RT @blacksmithjim: Don't stop believing: Elton Hyndman, of Nino's, discusses his long journey to Baton Rouge https://t.co/zkPba5fyIv via @t…
The #BowlingGreenMassacre originally referred to these bowling shoes massacring fashion, but things blow up like crazy nowadays. https://t.co/KXiKkCi02b
@juliaturner I must know. Who are the other fictional journalists who have been memorialized with conference room names at Slate?
You know, he ran that junkyard with his sone Lamont in the 70s and 80s. #WhoDoesTrumpThinkFrederickDouglassIs
RT @YahooForde: Alrighty. Perhaps the greatest OL name ever? https://t.co/kQmxji5sml
Rhum With a View #BoatNames #Carribean
I'm 45 years old, and I still haven't settled on my DJ name.
Please keep reporting on these students. This is important work! https://t.co/sua8AvYHjK
Why is this tweet making me hot? https://t.co/Z36a75q52K
You're knocking it out of the park, @potus: ...Trump A Record 8 Days To Reach Majority Disapproval [Infographic] https://t.co/3lTZ1n6IBT
.@DonaldJTrumpJr It has to sting that the old man likes Ivanka's husband better than you, right?
RT @SirEviscerate: R.E.M. gave me unrealistic expectations about how fine I'd feel at the end of the world.
This is an amazing story. You'll thank me if you take the time to read through... https://t.co/BoYaWOnWkw
Rafa/Roger and Venus/Serena major finals. Glad I'm still in 2007. You won't believe who I dreamed won the presidency.
RT @BlatantDarrell: This thread is amazing https://t.co/1kW9MfqPHY
RT @pourmecoffee: President Trump signing executive orders. https://t.co/iFi47MmCl8
RT @AstroKatie: If someone's political stance requires preventing scientists from informing you about your own planet, that's not politics,…
Jesus Christ, Boston fans are so obnoxious that I might have to pull for the dirty birds. https://t.co/bUtOELMnWX
Must-see. Can't wait, actually. I've always been fascinated by well done propaganda. https://t.co/OzFT0H0jWN
Amazing. Can't stop smoking? You might be part Neanderthal. https://t.co/oZiGimyGJU
Spent the day doing the same thing as twit-faves, but in different cities, incl @mattandkim, @thehighsign, @moryan, and too many to list.
RT @janesports: Obama wrote this letter to my daughter's friend when they were in 4th grade. It's about a US interstate system of waterslid…
RT @ochocinco: David Blaine can't do this: https://t.co/R7GRbrAd1g
This is the funniest tweet since @deadspin told you to go fuck yourself! Writing doesn't look like that! https://t.co/fnjPrmygfi
If you're one of those who slows down at car crashes on the other side of the highway just to take a peek, you can't look away. https://t.co/6Ovq38yV7h
And then what? They dissolve into big lakes? https://t.co/pPDIkC4bPx
RT @megh_wright: My dad starts chemo Monday. Here's just ONE prescription he needs. It's really very simple: without Obamacare, within 8 mo…
RT @robreiner: I've seen a film that moved me beyond words. It's called Gleason. I saw it knowing nothing about it. I cried. It is profound…
I wish Howard's personal experience hadn't been buried at the end of this story. I'd love to read more. https://t.co/BmLb8IG05M
Why do I listen to sports talk out of Washington DC, even though they never talk LSU or Saints? Moments like this... https://t.co/rRKDtLBCvr
🐅🤸🏻♀️🥇 @LSUgym #lsu #gymnastics https://t.co/IPHXhzMUoS
Great news! Now get that phone on a charger! https://t.co/E8oeeDDGcF
Amazing run. https://t.co/y2Vp0xJdcR
Wife will say we spent to much on dinner and theater last night. She's being dishonest by not adding that Mexico will pay us back.
In unrelated news, Trump picks Wile E Coyote as Secretary of Roadrunners. https://t.co/d2osiihbep
Maybe more time needed to put it into one syllable words so you can comprehend what we all know? https://t.co/sW5F6fK7IX
The Alabama/Florida Atlantic matchup in next year's Belk Bowl is going to be epic.
Do all of the people who RTed this think that they have been serving as President too? https://t.co/o5nbpTK2XR
If there's one thing that will bring America together again, it's our agreement that @cnn is crap. https://t.co/L7J5nB9d5F via @YahooNews
Aww. It sounds like someone needs some hot chocolate, a cookie, and a great big hug! https://t.co/KnTEmoB3Mz