If I eat much more pumpkin pie this year, I'm gonna need one of these to reach my behind. http://tinyurl.com/lsv2ck

Urban really just wants to settle down and make babies with Tebow now (@hs00's joke)

office in the hotel atrium this morning (Broadcasting live at http://ustre.am/1bMP)

EVERYONE should see the Planche house in BR at Christmas time. It's like a Madonna concert; even if it's not your thing, it's astounding.

@mrphotogenic - Have you seen this guy wandering your streets? We seem to have lost one of ours up there. http://findtheunknownwhodat.com

Remember when we started the 00's decade and didn't know what to call it? Three weeks to go, and we still haven't figured it out.

Whatever i just coughed up and swallowed was so satisfying that I feel like I've had a big breakfast.

Would it be bad to alter our Christmas nativity scene by painting baby Jesus wearing a #9 Saints jersey?

I understand that the first stop for our new recruiting coordinator will be to Sandra Bullock's house, in case she's raised another winner.

First the potato famine, then decades of domestic terrorism, then a bad call in a soccer game vs France. Will the horrors never end?

Baton Rouge gets more song lyric mentions than similar cities just because they can rhyme it with "have the blues."

I'm not complaining, but how come we didn't have nay love bugs this fall?

Ben posted a new link of the week on http://theskinnyonbenny.com The linked site is http://tinyurl.com/y9la5qc

New blog post: The Tube http://theskinnyonbenny.com/blog2/archives/650

In a city where sour mix often comes out of a gun, it's embarassing to go to a bar with @Hs00.

Club Nauti #rejectednamesforyachtclubs

Ben posted a new link of the week on http://theskinnyonbenny.com The linked site is http://tinyurl.com/yguoxd4

Ben posted a new link of the week on http://theskinnyonbenny.com The linked site is http://tinyurl.com/c6o7bv

Next time you borrow a friend's cell phone, remember that they were using it to read twitter last time they were on the pooper.

Vanya mad because I'm only offering two options: eat your cereal, or don't eat your cereal.

This week's Curb Your Enthusiasm might be the most offensive 30 minutes of television ever produced. Hilarious!

Ben posted a new link of the week on http://theskinnyonbenny.com The linked site is http://tinyurl.com/ylcp4uj

"just to pass the time away" is a pretty dumb reason to have become a railroad worker.

How did the young people of Milwaukee think Fonzie was cool when he was living in a room over the Cunningham garage?

Crap. All my money was on Tebow for this year's undeserved Nobel Prize.

Office tip: It's hard for anyone to show that you were wrong if you start every sentence with, "We may or may not...."

Ben posted a new link of the week on http://theskinnyonbenny.com The linked site is http://tinyurl.com/y9elj88

Mike Anderson's: where elderly people go to have mediocre seafood with their families.

Twitterverse: you haven't made me laugh in a while. Can someone please tweet me a good Sarah Palin one-liner?

Spurrier didn't wear a visor tonight. We've taken them back from the douchebags! Congratulations to all who joined my noble fight!

Just heard someone at a finance company refer to Dave Ramsey as a "financial guru." Puke.

My parents re space aliens. I'm trying to watch college football on this, their only downstairs TV. http://yfrog.com/0y40vj

Just wondering, did Daisy have voice-correcting surgery, or is Donald Duck's weird speech not related to his being a duck?

Sometimes, when I sneeze, I smell a musty odor. I think I'm sensing what it smells like inside my sinuses.

Ben posted a new link of the week on http://theskinnyonbenny.com The linked site is http://tinyurl.com/lr623k

The iphone has me spoiled. I expect every program to put a period at the end of my words if I hit the spacebar twice.

Ben posted a new link of the week on http://theskinnyonbenny.com The linked site is http://tinyurl.com/mgdd9e

RT @pourmecoffee ESPN's Chris Berman is like the Rain Man now - he just makes noises and says random things and people reward him for it.

Digging those old-school minutemen hiking the ball on the pats' helmets tonight.

Stripping a corn dog. http://yfrog.com/0j1mebj

Sat. radio is the best. I could have gone my whole life without ever hearing a hard-rock cover of Wham's Careless Whisper.

Ben posted a new link of the week on http://theskinnyonbenny.com The linked site is http://tinyurl.com/l97sqc

Gilligan's Island had an awful lot of visitors for it to have remained uncharted for all of that time.

I'm offering a $45 reward for anyone who sends me a pic of @hs00 pushing a car-shaped shopping buggy through the Whole Foods.

I have a new favorite in the twitterverse: @shitmydadsays

Space shuttle = shittiest vehicle money can buy. For a billion dollars less, my Jeep can launch even if it's windy or raining.

My studfinder is a lying whore.

How many millions of people have gotten an email in the last little while about cleaning out the office refrigerator on Friday afternoons?

Recently saw a profile pic of me in swimsuit from vacation. Santa Claus has nothing on my great big gut right now.

Whichever siant it is that helps you find lost things has really had my back lately. Thanks Saint Whoever!

My wife is trying to get me the first appointment in front of an Obama death panel right now.

12% of self-id'd North Carolina conservatives report that they don't know whether Hawaii is a state, or say that it is not a state. Wow.

Ben posted a new link of the week on http://theskinnyonbenny.com The linked site is http://tinyurl.com/c9fvew

Can someone photoshop me with a hole where my nose should be and no hair? It will be my tribute to the king of pop.

I smell flowers where there are no flowers around. Probably, I'm about to have a stroke.

Easiest money on the planet: whatever the spread and the o/u number, parlay Florida plus the over when they play Tennessee.

Twitter cleans up spam accounts. I lose half of my followers. Bummer. http://bit.ly/17xLcl

I almost had to change my position on whether or not golf is a sport. Sports don't have their major championships won by 59-year-olds.

If you're over 15 years old and have a Flo Rida ringtone, you should save your family the years of trouble and go ahead and kill yourself.

Know what's a good topping for a slice of cheddar cheese? Swiss cheese. No wonder I'm marching the path to fatassville.

Attn Gov. Palin: naming your daughter Piper is just asking for teenage boys to make lots of jokes about "Laying some Pipe" at her expense.

I want to write the book on this one: RT @therealhp Total awesomeness http://bit.ly/mqhRi

Coctail nerd week in NO: 600 people in a nice bar, not one single beer.

Driving to work, I noticed a stray rice krispie on the end of my nose. Popped it into my mouth. Booger.

The Bama family on American Roadtrip makes me embarassed for @tylerdrew.

How is it that Eddie Acosta is the only one to have heard about Joyce DeWitt's DWI? Until now.

My invitation to your Michael Jackson Memorial viewing party must have gotten lost in the mail.

RT @ktumulty: Ross Perot revealed as Sarah Palin's chief of strategic planning.

hey, did you guys hear that Michael Jackson died?

Because I souped up the watering schedule, we're finally getting some rain. You're welcome BR!

If "clean coal technology" is real, they can invent "nice smelling dog technology."

If I had a syringe, I'd inject coffee directly this morning.

If someone could teach politicians how to get some strange without getting caught, they'd have all of the money in the world.

I've been at work (Road Home) for three hours, and just spoke my first words to another in-person human being.

Drove into town through Livingston Prsh today. Driver next to me could be a recently showered woman or a wet cocker spaniel. Hard to tell.

Working outside and sweating through my underpants, but it's still better than my dingy yellow cube at Road Home

Sitting in the Jeep, top down, a/c on. Al Gore cries.

About to film an episode of Dexter in my new kitchen. http://yfrog.com/emcikj

Hope that Mayor Nagin doesn't refer to Shanghai as a "butterscotch city" while he's quarantined over there.

I don't wipe my boogers in this office because the boogers themselves are so much cleaner than the surfaces I would wipe them on.

I've only seen front page/cover photos. Did Obama nominate a thinned-down Roseanne Barr for Supreme Court Justice?

Everything on this page is funny. The video, the comments, and especially the title. http://tinyurl.com/qtt57o

The tall brother at Subway on Essen can actually remember all of the toppings -- you don't have to tell him one by one. Nice.

Sun Visors: not just for douchebags any more.

I wish this was Scotland, so I could wear a skirt in this hot-ass office.

If I can find my running shoes, I'm gonna have a run tonight. Otherwise, I'll just sit outside and smoke and drink.

I'm going to start washing my hands more. Not because of swine flu fears, but because I'm a filthy, filthy man.

This might be overpriced, but maybe I should work some overtime and order one of these for the bathroom remodel. http://tinyurl.com/ckq9jp

Switching from Hornets to Dog the Bounty Hunter. If I'm gonna watch losers, might as well pick the ones that include insanely big boobs.

@tylerdrew http://tinyurl.com/c4yxbv Don't be wastin' time on any ol Little Debbie junk. Mrs. Freshley. Mmmmmmm.

I'm officially crowning Mrs. Freshley the queen of convenience store snacks. Congrats Mrs. F!

I could really really really use some coffee that doesn't taste like burned ass. It's undrinkable today, and I'm tired.

Murderous drug cartels + swine flu = cheap vacations in Mexico right now, I bet.

@hs00 I don't mind owning my farts, but I hate to take the blame in a crowded restaurant when I didn't actually cut the cheese.

When your facebook status tells me that you're out of town, don't be surprised when I come steal your TV.

I spilled Cane's sauce on my man boobs.

Catch your breaths ladies, only one at a time please.

http://tinyurl.com/cxvw9h Interesting if you're a nerd, or a football fan. if you're both, you might just get sexual pleasure from this.

Did I get old when I started growing ear hair, or when it started coming out white?

Just came out of the restroom and couldn't get my bearings until I spotted the hallway mountain of office supplies http://twitpic.com/3o13f

How many followers would I get if I set up Oparh, or some other simiar misspelling as an account name?

I'm gonna give president obama a big fat kiss if he gets me a high speed train from BR to New Orleans http://tinyurl.com/dxcr2v

Just so you know, my sister's twitter name isn't pronounced "piss pants.". Common misconception though.

I hate to be a racist, but every time the Mexicans show up at my house, work just gets done. We gringos are worthless.

The Pope gets to set a policy on birth control. Shouldn't that responsibility be with someone who knows what a pain in the ass kids are?

My kid just peed on my foot at an outside table at Monjuni's.

@therealhp @tylerdrew You know it would be fun to fire them at the jetskis on the lake during the summer.

@tylerdrew http://tinyurl.com/yrb5ml I've always wanted to build a potato gun and terrorize other boats on Lake Pontchartrain.

Still feel the rocking from having spent the weekend aboard Velvet Elvis. Pics on theskinny later this week.

You tweeters have some good one-liners. How long do I need to wait before I start plagerizing them without anyone noticing?

Sometimes I wish I was bipolar so there would be someone else to share in the jokes that I don't have the nerve to say out loud.

Information Security people are weird; they write elaborate documents, and then insist that no one but no one has the right to see them.

I can't wait to post a picture of the desk I'm going to get in the next couple weeks. You've never seen a smaller dirtier place to work.

New blog post: Was There a Game Last Night? http://theskinnyonbenny.com/blog2/archives/537

I can't tell if this guy at Jack in the Box is retarded or just talks funny. I'm retarded for thinking it would be... http://loopt.us/cXY5ZQ

Dinner Sat. Night: runny red beans & rice, salad from McDonald's. Pretty damn good for my mom's cooking! in Baton... http://loopt.us/_DplDA