One day last week, I was driving on one of those service road lanes where even though you're driving straight, you have to yield to the cars coming off of the interstate. I had my head up my ass, and I got an angry hong when I failed to yield. That made me think about some stories from back when I was young.

Way back in July, I had intended to follow the Key West Highlights with a post of lowlights. It turns out that even though it often makes for a better story, it's not so fun typing out your fuckups.

This post is just a really long description of a traffic jam, if you want the truth of it.

Bluebell has been around since winter, and no one is mistaking her for the smartest dog in the pack. Human laziness is a factor in her housebreaking struggles, but she's not really pulling her weight either.

Last year, I started getting a lot of phone calls looking for "Tammy". I wasn't sure if it was some sort of scam or if there was just some elderly Tammy out there who could no longer remember her own phone number. About this time last year, she was calling around for auto insurance quotes, so I was getting 6 to 10 calls every day from people trying to sell insurance to Tammy. I think she even drove a Lincoln Town Car.

Helen was just scrolling along, enjoying her feed, probably full of old ladies baking cookies and helping the poor, when all of a sudden, she thought to herself, "I'm gonna murder that fat-ass nephew of mine, just for the fun of it."

I guess it's going to have to be me to fix college football. The Protect College Sports Act is going to die on the vine. Just look at the number of representatives from states in the Big Ten and SEC footprints. There's just not a chance.

It's been a few weeks since we were in Key West, and so far, I've been pretty silent on that trip when it comes to these pages. That's not because it was uneventful. Oh no, it was eventful in spades.

I got a free treat this week, and it was very nice.

I had an experience that no other human ever had experienced before.

We've been on passage all week. All is well: we haven't had a single storm to negotiate, haven't had to reef sails, and for the most part, it hasn't even been too hot. But it's been a little bit of a difficult passage for a more benign reason.

You know how those old black ladies can call you "baby" and it adds a dash of kindness and affection to whatever they're telling you? I wish I could pull that off.