*gets friend's phone "Siri, call me 'Big Fat Pig' from now on." friendCount = friendCount - 1
When Twitter became a cesspool in 2023, I wrote a little script to pull down my old data. I repurposed it here, again with a program, so if you read something from a random old year, you might just be the first person ever to read it. In other words, there's no editing going on here. You can see that in 2023, I jumped from Twitter to Mastodon to post thoughts on my home page, so there's a little icon to tell you where the source was.
Previous Years
2015 Micro Posts from Social Media
↕ Reverse Post Order
Any top album of 2015 list without @Alabama_Shakes Sound and Color isn't worth a damn. My fav album in the last 5 years, at least.
Horse fans, mad that #si gave #sportsperson to @serenawilliams, might want to consider that Serena got the nod for being an actual person.
Can't wait for Sesame Street to debut on #HBO. I've always wanted to see Big Bird's naked behind.
No, no. Not a tear. Santa just got a little of that soot in my eye. https://t.co/mqjtWydjXG
RT @Ivan_Maisel: Joe Alleva, @lsu AD, is the kind of lifeguard who makes you swim ashore before he throws you a life preserver.
RT @dandydonlsu: A shout out to the fans in Tiger Stadium last night. Really rose to the occasion. #ForeverLSU https://t.co/loBgsZQiJ6
RT @ConanOBrien: Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels.
I like to use a copy of Charlotte's Web any time I kill a spider, @TheOnion
RT @lolojones: LSU by 100
@GulfSails Congratulations! Can't wait to read details about the journey and about Havana!
RT @dansamiljan: I can write haikus. The second line is easy. It's the last line that
Just filled my only napkin with boogers, and now I need to wipe my mouth. 😟
RT @GulfSails: Tracking is already live as boats start docking in Pcola - looks to be a rough one. https://t.co/PB6hSivTJ2 https://t.co/pni…
RT @Interior: Things you do when you think no one is looking ... #Bison don't care at National Bison Range in #Montana https://t.co/U2M7uj0…
I feel like getting drunk and tweeting dirty jokes to Verne Lundquist. Too bad he's not on Twitter.
RT @OhNoSheTwitnt: 🎶 Just a spoonful of Christ's blood makes the mortal sin go down 🎶 - Mary Pope-ins
Limited offer: I'll text your dad with something sexually suggestive about Leonard Fournette. Expires end of game or beginning of sobriety.
Stat of the week: Missouri 9, Uconn 6, no field goals in the game.
I don't know how ESPN finagles it so that every game is at commercial at the same time, but they have it down to a science.
@bens4lsu: I took Tebow's virginity! #SECNation
I spent my birthday reading fake Verne Lundquist Twitter accounts, and it was glorious.
People without #kids, is nice to pass through a bathroom that doesn't have a turd floating in the bowl?
Shame on God for giving me such hairy ears!
Finally cool weather. Welcome back Scotch. I hope you missed me as much as I missed you!
RT @LSUsports: Not so fast 'Canes. @LSUfball w/ 39 on 53-man rosters on 9/10 http://t.co/TjJA1qiMOa #NFLSU https://t.co/PavRgbD3l9 https:/…
This is such a fucking good read! http://t.co/s7ePhiEFfJ via @Instapaper
RT @michaelwhitewx: Lightning last night near Tiger stadium. LSU game was cancelled. Photo by @MichaelCauble http://t.co/hi2jFs1IcD
Sony Pictures: Inside the Hack of the Century http://t.co/auk8YKfDUT via @instapaper
.@BobbyJindal - Don't the 31 likes on your previous tweet suggest that you don't have the chops to win your party's nomination?
RT @EBJunkies: Wait someone legally changed their name to Deez Nuts to run for office? #genius
The fat guy in this restaurant dripping buffalo sauce down his Marshall's t-shirt is grossing me out. (Okay, it's me.)
RT @outsidemagazine: The first government-sanctioned boat race to Cuba was a total sh*tshow: http://t.co/dyaEpDoPFA http://t.co/E4EFJYHN9I
How cool! "A Sea Turtle Made This 5 Year Old Her Best Friend" #sailing http://t.co/orIZUEpkSU
Who is the old bag who looks directly into the camera when Mary Tyler Moore throws her hat? @MysteryShow http://t.co/x1aWJzAMiN
Who started the chant, "Hey! get laid, get fucked!" during Mony Mony? @MysteryShow
RT @RealCoastal: Lawmakers to take up #BP settlement, tax hikes in special session - The special session of the #Alabama... http://t.co/thL…
Sporadic errors are worse than traffic jams, taxes, and smelly garbage, all put together. #troubleshooting
RT @levarburton: Hey Y'all... Have you heard the news??? http://t.co/O85Wkij4U8
My 4 year old is asking for @mattandkim cereal. Where can I find that, trader joes?
Roger Goodell is a bigger dick than @realdonaldtrump. http://t.co/curL3OVPAC
Um, that's not a news source you're citing; its your own web site. Idiot. https://t.co/a4jWNRCmVC
Best laugh I've had all week. https://t.co/Bv8xJT8ZcI
Either picked the wrong day to have jalapeños at lunch it the wrong day to run out of TP or both.
Why does the ATM give me a receipt when it gives ME cash? Shouldn't I be giving it a receipt?
RT @TheOnion: Embarrassing Bounced Check From Greece Taped Up In IMF Headquarters http://t.co/S0yYJS5ZsU
In light of current events,I might consider leaving my wife for you, @Tromboneshorty. Whatchasay?
. @BobbyJindal Thanks for the next year of comedic gold at your expense!
@chefjohnbesh Father's Day brunch at La Provence was absolutely amazing today!
Awe. Great story, @jdickerson https://t.co/kPxlbtbMML
Holy shit! (pun acknowledged) https://t.co/q2H2dVSxh9
"Overdrawn at the Neighborhood Pool Snack Bar." My life makes good titles for country music songs.
I once made my family listen to a #Wimbledon finals match on the radio for three hours, while driving through the dregs of Florida.
Dear America, please elect @BobbyJindal president. Then the rest of you won't have universities either, and we won't feel left behind.
I wish I had made up the nickname Supercalifragilisticexpealidickcheese. #VeepHBO
Somebody has to arrange for an LA team to hire Tom Thibodeau, just to pair with his prospective hockey counterpart, Bruce Boudreau.
"Plot Logbook Entries from 18/19th century ship logs and you get this amazing chart" http://t.co/aMFbVxY8Vn
Doesn't bother me at all that Bruce Jenner wants to be a woman. Bothers the shit out of me that he picked such a dumb name. @Caitlyn_Jenner
I came I the office this morning wearing the t-shirt I slept in last night. But I dribbled toothpaste down the front, so it looks fresh.
RT @WIRED: The beauty and loneliness of Antarctica, as seen via drone http://t.co/3Ldve1R93V http://t.co/nRpWaG3y9q
RT @AnthonyDelMundo: Crew pulls David Letterman’s iconic ‘Late Show’ set apart - NY Daily News http://t.co/keDfmVWD92 http://t.co/y1AfSNAv2h
@ElleKingMusic Little big fan. http://t.co/JhwBtCIm55
There is no way to discuss smoked nuts without the conversation becoming juvenile.
RT @nytimes: Step inside the elevators at 1 World Trade Center and witness 515 years of history unfolding at the tip of Manhattan http://t.…
Daily showers are overrated.
This is super-cool. https://t.co/wh7M6O2Ms0
Translation: That's just how I roll = "I use a 20-year-old expression to justify my own douchebaggery."
An Open Letter from Your Horrible Facebook Friends - The New Yorker http://t.co/HVgJncp0Xy
@EBJunkies Freddy Wilhite wants to know: You alive, or are you dead?
RT @Gunnja: “@sailing_news: VIDEO: Too funny to be forgotten - Scuttlebutt Sailing News http://t.co/w4RKTEVUdD” @bens4lsu ha watch this!
@ebjunkies here's my bill Buckner moment. Lsu had this game well in hand until... http://t.co/VYwvAo1z8B
Keep not vaccinating your kids. Just eliminates competition for limited spots when my kids are trying to get into college.
RT @GulfSails: Some great waterfront dining spots on the Northern Gulf Coast. https://t.co/Fg5YyiU9nB
In which Regina Spektor sings in dolphin language. Lol. Thanks #pandora http://t.co/wbGkNmYVZY
Great time suck. Can't wait until I have enough free time to go through it all. http://t.co/cJmhCBqQla
Heard a news story about Charlie Hebdo being distributed in Turkey, and now my head won't quit singing "Istanbul not Constantinople".
@thehighsign Up until a few years ago, we had a local pizza place offering a nutria topping. They got rid of it before I had the nerve.
On the up side, the ignorant redneck Ohio St. Fan I know is divorced from my family member, so I don't have to hear any of his bullshit.
Holy shit, @ochocinco mentioned me in a tweet!
<<looks at self in mirror and masturbates vociferously>>
Love that someone starred this tweet. Wtf?
https://t.co/CURO9ZDu7n
Dude pooing in the stall next to me just now was wearing the exact same shoes. Wanted to say "nice kicks," but decided against it.