Submitted by Sarah {redacted}, Special to theskinnyonbenny.com

Why send your resignation letter to theskinnyonbenny instead of to your boss? Well, it takes less balls for one thing. For another, you might actually have rent to pay. This was good enough to post. Feel free to send your own resignation letters to me, and if they amuse me, you might find it listed here.

February 25, 2005

Dear Bruce,

Please allow this letter to serve as two weeks notice of my resignation with Choosing the Best. I anticipate my last day of work to be on March 11th, 2005.

I cannot stand to come to this place anymore. I am sick and tired of having to pretend on a daily basis that I am someone I am not. I do not give an iota about your little pretend-Christian company. I do not care about your personal life, that you are friends with the governor, that you hobnob with George Bush, etc. I do not care that your wife used to have anorexia, that she uses a special night cream to avoid skin cancer, or that she has yeast "from her mouth to her anus". I hate knowing this kind of thing about both of you. It is inappropriate, and, quite frankly, disgusting.

I am sick and tired of being required to be your bitch. Never again will I do demeaning tasks to kiss either one of your asses again. I will never be requested to dig out your filling from a tootsie roll, to go to your house to get your mail while you are out of town, to mail invitations to a personal party to which I am not even invited, to order shit for Donna, to call for a parking spot for you downtown, or even to do the damn dishes. I am NOT the Cook Family Bitch, and you are finally going to have to realize that. I sincerely look forward to the day you are busy yet have to go and get your own Chick-Fil-A Number 7 Combo with Diet Lemonade, or, better yet, attempt to get Carol Walker to go and pick it up for you. Good luck with that, I believe she will politely tell you to kiss her ass.

I really do hope that Choosing the Best continues to prosper, only so that people like Cliff, Carol, John, and Ahmun can continue to support themselves. Your sorry rich asses don't need it, but you are too miserly to ever realize that, so at least the rest should continue to benefit. That is, if your pride doesn't do you in by continuing to annihilate all of the Georgia business, which comprises some 70% of your income, and some 80% of Cliff's income, which you are flushing down the toilet. Shame on you, Bruce Cook, you pseudo-Christian.

Let me go ahead and warn you: God has made it clear to me that He does not like it when people use Him to benefit themselves. He gets a little snippy and He will SMITE you if you are not careful. Watch yourself. You are not an angel. You be careful. "They will know we are Christians by our Love" does not exactly describe you OR Donna.

I know fully well that you are going to talk smack about me the second the door closes on my back. That's the only way that you can make this be my fault and not yours. Go right ahead. I would be disappointed if you didn't; it would prove you to be better people than I believe you to be. I want you to go ahead and say that Sarah was bad news from the "get-go"... say that I never did anything right... say that I made constant mistakes and couldn't be counted on... say that I wasn't good at anything... say that I wouldn't have made it long anyway...

Then, let's look at my history: I was a top sales person from the setup. I brought in large customers from SCRATCH- the first to do that since Leslie (who was another person you shouldn't have taken for granted, but that is another story). I was the only person who ever did your travel the way you liked it (but even that you found reason to be disenchanted with, because you are Bruce Cook, the forever displeased). I was the one who could be trusted to find the most cost-effective ways to place orders, so John let me do it with VERY little supervision... I was the one who knew the policies so well, I wrote the policy manual... I was the one who came in and answered the phones so well that customers ALWAYS commented on "Sarah with the sweet voice". I was the first receptionist who could EVER offer customer service. I was a receptionist who helped train your sales staff.

Enjoy your time without me. I know I will.

Good luck replacing me. I hope you find a perfect new Sarah. I am sure you will be delighted with whatever you find, and I am sure that the new person will last two years, just like I did. Especially being paid $32,000 to be a sales person, a personal assistant, an executive assistant, a sales assistant, an office manager, a receptionist, a travel coordinator, an office mommy/wife, a marketing assistant, a P/R assistant, and a dishwasher all at once. With a bachelor's degree at that.

Much love,

Sarah {redacted}