Aww. It sounds like someone needs some hot chocolate, a cookie, and a great big hug! https://t.co/KnTEmoB3Mz

If there's one thing that will bring America together again, it's our agreement that @cnn is crap. https://t.co/L7J5nB9d5F via @YahooNews

Do all of the people who RTed this think that they have been serving as President too? https://t.co/o5nbpTK2XR

The Alabama/Florida Atlantic matchup in next year's Belk Bowl is going to be epic.

Maybe more time needed to put it into one syllable words so you can comprehend what we all know? https://t.co/sW5F6fK7IX

In unrelated news, Trump picks Wile E Coyote as Secretary of Roadrunners. https://t.co/d2osiihbep

Wife will say we spent to much on dinner and theater last night. She's being dishonest by not adding that Mexico will pay us back.

Amazing run. https://t.co/y2Vp0xJdcR

Great news! Now get that phone on a charger! https://t.co/E8oeeDDGcF

🐅🤸🏻‍♀️🥇 @LSUgym #lsu #gymnastics https://t.co/IPHXhzMUoS

Why do I listen to sports talk out of Washington DC, even though they never talk LSU or Saints? Moments like this... https://t.co/rRKDtLBCvr

I wish Howard's personal experience hadn't been buried at the end of this story. I'd love to read more. https://t.co/BmLb8IG05M

RT @robreiner: I've seen a film that moved me beyond words. It's called Gleason. I saw it knowing nothing about it. I cried. It is profound…

RT @megh_wright: My dad starts chemo Monday. Here's just ONE prescription he needs. It's really very simple: without Obamacare, within 8 mo…

And then what? They dissolve into big lakes? https://t.co/pPDIkC4bPx

If you're one of those who slows down at car crashes on the other side of the highway just to take a peek, you can't look away. https://t.co/6Ovq38yV7h

This is the funniest tweet since @deadspin told you to go fuck yourself! Writing doesn't look like that! https://t.co/fnjPrmygfi

RT @ochocinco: David Blaine can't do this: https://t.co/R7GRbrAd1g

RT @janesports: Obama wrote this letter to my daughter's friend when they were in 4th grade. It's about a US interstate system of waterslid…

Spent the day doing the same thing as twit-faves, but in different cities, incl @mattandkim, @thehighsign, @moryan, and too many to list.

Amazing. Can't stop smoking? You might be part Neanderthal. https://t.co/oZiGimyGJU

Must-see. Can't wait, actually. I've always been fascinated by well done propaganda. https://t.co/OzFT0H0jWN

Jesus Christ, Boston fans are so obnoxious that I might have to pull for the dirty birds. https://t.co/bUtOELMnWX

RT @AstroKatie: If someone's political stance requires preventing scientists from informing you about your own planet, that's not politics,…

RT @pourmecoffee: President Trump signing executive orders. https://t.co/iFi47MmCl8

RT @BlatantDarrell: This thread is amazing https://t.co/1kW9MfqPHY

Rafa/Roger and Venus/Serena major finals. Glad I'm still in 2007. You won't believe who I dreamed won the presidency.

This is an amazing story. You'll thank me if you take the time to read through... https://t.co/BoYaWOnWkw

RT @SirEviscerate: R.E.M. gave me unrealistic expectations about how fine I'd feel at the end of the world.

.@DonaldJTrumpJr It has to sting that the old man likes Ivanka's husband better than you, right?

You're knocking it out of the park, @potus: ...Trump A Record 8 Days To Reach Majority Disapproval [Infographic] https://t.co/3lTZ1n6IBT

Why is this tweet making me hot? https://t.co/Z36a75q52K

Please keep reporting on these students. This is important work! https://t.co/sua8AvYHjK

I'm 45 years old, and I still haven't settled on my DJ name.

Rhum With a View #BoatNames #Carribean

RT @YahooForde: Alrighty. Perhaps the greatest OL name ever? https://t.co/kQmxji5sml

You know, he ran that junkyard with his sone Lamont in the 70s and 80s. #WhoDoesTrumpThinkFrederickDouglassIs

@juliaturner I must know. Who are the other fictional journalists who have been memorialized with conference room names at Slate?

The #BowlingGreenMassacre originally referred to these bowling shoes massacring fashion, but things blow up like crazy nowadays. https://t.co/KXiKkCi02b

RT @blacksmithjim: Don't stop believing: Elton Hyndman, of Nino's, discusses his long journey to Baton Rouge https://t.co/zkPba5fyIv via @t…

RT @serial: Psssst...

https://t.co/ZXs1KSsiTx

It's not that hot in here. I'm taking off all my clothes just because it's fun. #FactCheckASong

Hall of Fame?? When you bury information that would keep people safe, you should be voted into prison! https://t.co/nVFiW2pHL0

.@JimmyJohnson looks more like a guy in a Jimmy Johnson rubber mask than he does like actual Jimmy Johnson.

RT @cbfowler: Chinese New Year makes it Year of the Rooster. In sports, starting as Year of the 🐐 (GOAT): Federer, Serena, Brady. Saban was…

I don't think there's a single Bush administration official who hasn't written an op-ed about what a shitty president @realDonaldTrump is.

I think @realDonaldTrump and @PressSec have slept together! https://t.co/uKCQHC9PGE

In fairness, the rally was scheduled at the same time as the Season Premier of Buck Buck Moose! https://t.co/kwBqv8rNA8

RT @MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to shipping. Handling can go to hell.

Fucked up reason to risk American lives. Does he understand that he's in the White House for real? https://t.co/MSCv0qS6UX

.@againstme 's last 2 albums are great. As long as they put ou stuff like that, I don't care who the label is. https://t.co/PddbaDl0QV

😂 movie makers ALWAYS screw up the sailing parts of movie scenes... https://t.co/LP8kqX6ABT

RT @outsidemagazine: We can't stop watching this video. Seriously. https://t.co/FJ7P2zL0OB

At least we should get the most balls in the draft lottery. That's how it works, right? https://t.co/KjqLgSLikW

RT @Saints: The Bacchus parade will honor #Saints50 this year! Check out the floats! PHOTOS: https://t.co/FaklfHrY5i https://t.co/ddblhC9q…

How is @chancetherapper a new artist? I'm a 45 year old white guy from nowhere near Chicago, and Acid Rap has been in MY iTunes 2 years.

RT @DannyDutch: No one is safe from PM Steal Yo Girl! https://t.co/TYrTV1U4CN

DVR alert: Bates Motel returns Monday!

🎩 tip - @dak's alright in my book. But I'll go kicking and screaming before I like the @dallascowboys ! https://t.co/17ft7TLzD9

.@KellyannePolls is looking rough. I don't think she's gotten a good drink of human blood in a couple of days. https://t.co/kfIVwIo9wE

Jesus H. Imagine getting a tweet like that from @alanalda! https://t.co/zknflVU3yP

I believe you nailed it, @SirEviscerate https://t.co/OA62UFSNTa

RT @DavidWondrich: America is already pretty fucking great. https://t.co/ZLOiUjSuvR

...or how Hitler convinced his people that the free press was the enemy, so he could proceed... https://t.co/Y1eQIuxJes

RT @nytimes: Ready to conquer The New York Times Crossword? Here's a sampling of past puzzles to get you started. https://t.co/WGX8DLAzCu

Can I please get this on a coffee mug? https://t.co/3eBKfIk2S9

RT @cari_nation: Jimmy Kimmel thinks Mahershala is a weird name? Jimmy Kimmel sounds like dog treats.

😂😂 https://t.co/yqvRL41QtD

RT @Gunnja: What a horrible man. Ignorant buffoon squared! https://t.co/IlSHn36qr7

Mindy Cohn wants to know where the podcast is that tries to find where she disappeared to.

Your BM's are much different than mine. Mine are like the @Saints on offense (explosive), and like @AZCardinals on D (great coverage). https://t.co/m1esy5OsW2

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Bringin' back "nitwit" 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

“Whoever voted for this is a nitwit.”

https://t.co/4IhcbYIuJu

Holy cow, this will be amazing. #sailing #norway

https://t.co/Ht1tCB4Kk0

This is totally how it would go if someone asked me for a tv interview. https://t.co/3hh9o9SdtN

RT @SirEviscerate: If Kellyanne Conway is right and microwaves spy on us, the CIA has a hell of a lot of data on me reheating coffee then f…

I'll put up with a lot from the administration, but ignorantly citing cartoons that you've clearly never watched is a step too far! #resist https://t.co/nO1WJAatBs

1. You are brilliant.
2. You text about the 🐶 A LOT. https://t.co/V5RHjDXr9B

First, go get an Apple TV or a Roku. You sure you didn't want those on Betamax? https://t.co/xx7wCKsCsJ

Crankin to @regrettesband in the parking lot while the kid is in choir practice. Supporting super talented kids 2x simultaneously. 🎧🎸🎶

I don't know my U.K. history, but I bet this tweet is really funny. https://t.co/eaAZ573UZu

@JFeinsteinBooks what would Dean Smith have said about having to ply in SC because of the stupid bathroom law?

Brother, even this heathen. Knows Jesus was a Jew. There were no Christians yet, back when he was talking. https://t.co/J2DCxbN46m

RT @stevesilberman: Amazing letter from Carl Sagan to Chuck Berry. Via the wonderful @lettersofnote. https://t.co/pRAWCc14wX

.@realDonaldTrump has teed it up more this year than @TigerWoods.

@willwadevcu Congratulations and good luck!

This is BAD 👏🏼ASS👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 https://t.co/hWt97VnLYp

RT @AoDespair: I can only quote Abraham Lincoln, who I just learned was a Republican: "Health care is fucking complicated. I really gotta r…

Awesome decision. Booze + heated emotions + guns. What could go wrong? https://t.co/gFHPUCgHpk

Over/under for raiders moving OUT of Vegas: 2022

RT @drs2222: "We just can't make mistakes, right? So we don't make mistakes. Go ahead, Ken..."

"I'm Chuck..."

@chrislhayes @KatyTurNBC ht…

Shame! https://t.co/ErvnqGGMYB

Women's hoops is boring without Pat Summit. Ask Auriemma when he plans to retire, give him all the trophies, and resume the sport after.

"I can't be alone with a woman and trust myself not to fuck her." Something wrong with you, man. https://t.co/Dvm6YmsJde

RT @TheOnion: Mike Pence Asks Waiter To Remove Mrs. Butterworth From Table Until Wife Arrives https://t.co/gz14KYCvBh https://t.co/9H1fZS4a…

This is real.

Also, fuckface von clownstick. https://t.co/xZ6sr9bvlo

@matt_valdez @moneymetalcakes No way Bish's golf pool is that complicated. I develop web systems. I'll build out for the chance to buy in.

RT @DavidWondrich: No comment needed. https://t.co/C9YIqm1wKj

Excited to see @shovelsandrope today at #HogsfortheCause #nola

Pretty smart tweet. Congrats to #Mississippistate Which team will bring the trophy back to the #sec? https://t.co/RKQkD9aQTJ

Can someone hire me as a tennis reporter? I'm at least watching the matches. https://t.co/NJKe1P69WQ

.@pepsi's ad isn't nearly as offensive as the taste of Pepsi itself.

High school students! https://t.co/y5YDiO1bpQ

.@realDonaldTrump wants a cookie for normal things, like condemning chem weapons attacks or denying racists a seat on the security council.

When @maddow show and @BrietbartNews run stories calling you unqualified in the same week. https://t.co/MXDg3vu4Bj. HT @ChrisKinard

Why are my $6 sunglasses lopsided? #questionsThatAnswerThemselves

No chance this Russian frigate could pass a Louisiana vehicle emission inspection. https://t.co/3kA2yyibIZ

Well shit, I was planning on going to Lowe's now, not watch bonus Masters. #makeaputt

Several youth choir members didn't show up at the awards thing yesterday to receive their perfect attendance certificates.

At this point, Louisiana's no worse than 5th or 6th most corrupt state. #lapride https://t.co/45IkJ1rSt0

Here's hoping that no one dunks @SarBeMye 's toothbrush in the toilet in honor of #NationalSiblingsDay

If I was organizing a festival, I'd feature "Chicks who rock your balls off day", lining up @Bully, @TacocaTs, and @regrettesband .

Noooooo. Not fake looking at all 🙄🤥 https://t.co/Xtttbwft5X

Hope you're enjoying vacation @drewmagary. 'Cause I'm waiting for kid activities on a Tuesday night without a funbag to read. Week ruined.

I bet the article's one line: "Because he don't like black folks." https://t.co/6j1nusKrnZ

If you don't want a butt shakin in your face, don't turn on The Bee Gees.

16 knots on a beam reach to where I'm going is like 🎄. #nolasailing https://t.co/evr76vD4im

RT @GulfSails: Free US Sailing course this summer for one lucky little gal. https://t.co/QCIcdaPhEY

When you have $380k of cocaine to move, you should probably just rent a car. https://t.co/hvKWEXrrSK

Almost late to school. On the sign in form, I was going to list "lengthy bowel movement" in the Why Late column. #honesty

Music lovers and those chained to a desk, this @soundopinions episode with @mavisstaples was pure joy. https://t.co/tlzZPPkG40

This weekend is one of Louisiana's best of the year. @festivalintl @jazzfest and @Zurich_Classic. Hope the weather doesn't wash it all out!

Can't believe I have to get the kids up and off to school on #edballsday

Had an application crash this morning, and amongst the hex gibbrish on the crash screen was the phrase "0f2e4 54a1 dead beef c09f"

@garretgraves I'm a white, male small business owner in your district. You shit all over me with your vote yesterday.

RT @MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to all the birth mommas, adoption mommas, step mommas and foster mommas with the raising and the caring and…

There are a lot of hot women in their 40s and 50s. https://t.co/yeA3VECqp6

This is fucking brilliant. https://t.co/KnWezoEPvy

RT @arishapiro: Whoever wrote this headline in @TheEconomist should be either promoted or fired, I can't decide which. https://t.co/y9hnlUJ…

Doc: are you moving your bowels regularly? Me: more like the cylons attack my insides every 33 minutes.

RT @Madonna: Allow it................🤡 https://t.co/dY6S1fjAYX

I need 2 phones, for when I've got some tunes and a podcast that I really want to hear at the same time.

Is Oregon a person, or is the golf team a person? Either way, it's not a person. https://t.co/CIiLaLbSVM

👍🏼the sentiment, but something about bathing your building in light to prove you care about wasting energy seems 😕 https://t.co/puWT2vLXpn

@PJVogt lily https://t.co/sFLMCAQA7P

RT @TheOnion: Nation's Shirtless, Shoeless March On Washington For Equal-Service Rights https://t.co/JkUjXE5OkD https://t.co/3EVHg6Dwbi

Dude with spiky hair with dyed blond tips just walked in as "God Gave Rock and Roll to You" started playing on the speakers. #80s #hairband

@WRKF Quit stepping on breaking news with pre-recorded ads!!!

"The natives are getting restless" is a really dangerous phrase to put in a work email.

If Jeff Sessions isn't corrupt, how come he sounds just like Boss Hogg?

I can't believe I've turned into someone who watches congressional hearings live. That was about as likely as me having skydiving sex.

@Gunnja -- @Cubs picked a winner in the first round yesterday. Now you've got a reason to watch the College World Series with us!

Hey everyone! Boomarang is running old Looney Tunes. #workfromhome #summervacation

@juliaturner Please tell me I can still send you a song for the Summer Strut playlist.

@JohnKennedyLA Please tell me you aren't going to eff up the only market where I can buy health insurance.

I've been trying to tweet the link to this for a week. I'm not smart enough to come up with the words for how good it is. Just read it. https://t.co/LYzkoGi0u8

Damn! https://t.co/mMP5vPtklR

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. https://t.co/gSbg95vEAL

The "straight talk express" was purchased by a junkyard outside of South Tuscon for $175 and a case of Bush Light. https://t.co/LiJko7Menx

RT @harbend: @BillCassidy please protect our healthcare. About 100 folks took off work to plead First do no harm. @IndivisibleNO @Indivisi…

RT @C_Hanagriff: LSU flags still full price https://t.co/NQ6lN9Ik3Z

"Boloney Thief" as a band name. You can use that, if you want.

RT @sv_lewis: Basically a renaissance painting https://t.co/ROGHicoZp9

Happy Night of the Cowering Dogs!

Fucking fascinating (not being sarcastic) https://t.co/3BIPpypzgY

RT @Izianikapani: The hardest thing about adopting a puppy is explaining to him why I haven't got 10 titties.

Advanced Computer Science Vocab Schrdinger's Bug: When the act of trying to observe a software problem causes the problem not to happen.

I'm already mega-stunned by how you think capitalization works. https://t.co/u0EJMG9IdQ

Left Seattle on Wednesday. Today, I've seen/heard 4 !! references to @kexp from unrelated places. Not sure what the universe is telling me.

RT @lad: This is the best video ever https://t.co/K065H6RJfQ

RT @shermanelis: I'm in hysterics https://t.co/6M2BR2J37w

Pretty sure the president is starting to mix up his jerk off fantasies with the news. https://t.co/zvR7J20QEW

Nice job flushing, bathroom user before me at Highland Coffee 💩💩💩

.@BillCassidy got bullied by an historically unpopular president into voting to take away my family's health insurance.

.@marcroberge Do you call your groupies hOARs?

I've never amassed 2 pages of likes in 1 day before. Steve Bannon trying to ...(you know)... was a Twitter goldmine!

RT @EliBraden: Track 9 on Phish's last album is longer than Scaramucci's tenure

We're living in the dumbest point in human history. https://t.co/swqaPoVOCL

I HATE the layout of @nytimes new iPad app. Bring me fewer pics and more/better article summaries like I used to have.

"Sir, Kim Jong Un has threatened to nuke Guam."

"What do I care about Guam? I said that he best not threaten the United States."

RT @regrettesband: this is so amazing https://t.co/MwYNFb2R8W

Then turn it the fuck off. https://t.co/lCwansqNTg

RT @iaaforg: If you only watch one race from #IAAFworlds today, make it the women's 3000m steeplechase final.

@emmajcoburn leads home a @u…

RT @RexHuppke: Couple things:

a) Saying just because you support Trump doesn't make you a racist is saying that Trump is a racist b) These…

I bet the people in charge of delivering Trump a packet of positive propaganda every morning are having a very rough time of it today.

LOLing at @moneymetalcakes telling Steve Fuerestein that his next booking should be MC Search. No one I know will get this at all.

RT @MrGeorgeWallace: This is bullshit! I had tickets to see the Strategy and Policy Forum and the Manufacturing Council at Staples Center i…

I'm aiming to run over a squirrel. Lost my beagle to cancer today. She's gonna need something up there to chase.

.@ClassicDadMoves Duct tape is 50% of the standard dad fix-it arsenal. https://t.co/aKWvexpmcZ

RT @consequence: Watch @FooFighters rickroll their audience by performing "Never Gonna Give Up" with @RickAstley: https://t.co/p3mLn7VdqR h…

RT @volvooceanrace: Share if you'd rather be here right now! #ThursdayThoughts ⚓️ 🐟 https://t.co/mUY5gH8eMb

RT @AintNoHoIIyBack: So my mom and I share an online banking account, and she keeps changing the security questions to things I don't know…

The great thing about @realDonaldTrump's twitter is that I can laugh at the rantings of a mentally ill person without feeling like a dick.

You know how before a birthday, you think you'll feel different but then you really don't? That's how I feel about seeing Tiger's dong.

Idea: Sonic, but with full service has.

I honestly don't know why jealous girl is so mad. Out of focus girl looks just like her!

RT @atlasobscura: The French Quarter’s iron balconies have a lot to say https://t.co/cDEdJGD0bH

"On the other side there were no Nazis. None. Not even one on a bicycle named Rolfe." @HelenPhilpot made me laugh out loud this morning.

RT @HoustonTX: We will not ask for immigration status or papers from anyone at any shelter. This rumor is FALSE!

RT @pjwaldron: Confusing posts like this are why your "social media expert" should be an English major. "Any rumor that says otherwise is F…

I use one of those random number apps to log in to work. Every time it deals me a full house, I get excited.

Just finished reading an amazing bit of journalism. https://t.co/QN3KDTmTit

"Saban found Kylee Jenner's Pepsi commercial inspiring". #GameDaySignSuggestions

"Saban like the new Taylor Swift Video" #GameDaySignSuggestions

"Saban wipes his boogers under his desk" #GameDaySignSuggestions #GameDay

.@daverichard @JameyEisenberg For all of us drafting today, to Zeke, or not to Zeke?

RT @meganamram: Oh my god the New Yorker found JARED KUSHNER'S HARVARD ADMISSIONS ESSAY: https://t.co/HJrkRrFOAm

Don't you just sit and talk? #hardlyahero https://t.co/Age0PGirwY

I just found the most exciting Barbie accessory on the 2nd floor of a house on the 3900 block of Claycut Rd in 18 days. https://t.co/BlCheq97U9

This show was awesome. https://t.co/0SMRUdAELI

Fuck, Apple. All I want is for ALL of the songs I select to make it to my phone, and then for the music app to play them.

Cushing suspended for PED use is the least surprising thing since the guy failed to tell anyone about the castaways on Gilligan's island.

The reason Scott Baio is trending.... https://t.co/xfZq3YraQi

Thank you! Cool pic! https://t.co/fOBMnq7nsV

I read the tweet & headline and scoffed. Read the article, and found myself nodding. https://t.co/yTvOugUV9A

As a former Equifax employee, the data breach is the least surprising news of the month.

Just updated iOS on my iPad, and I have no idea what the fuck it's doing now. #oldman

RT @SamGrittner: Bill Cassidy always looks like he's either about to stick his dick in the mashed potatoes or he's trying to explain why he…

“Luther Strange has Been Shooting Up” is my favorite blues album. https://t.co/0LkjfE19NB

🎶 twinkle twinkle little fart. How I wonder whose thou art. 🎶

RT @nycsouthpaw: I can think of one reason why not. https://t.co/qj3hsxW83p

Apparently, you only get the 280 characters if you promise to tweet some long winded joke on how wordsy you can be now.

The pad at Alberstson's asked me if I wanted to donate $1. I said no. @deshaunwatson is a good dude. https://t.co/tLvLlp9gvW

God help me. I’m starting to think of Regex as a useful tool instead of as a jumble of nonsense from which to run screaming.

RT @senatorshoshana: SCREAMING. A+ troll

h/t @EvanSparks via #equifaxbreach hearing https://t.co/rggknj8hlw https://t.co/3Hawi3RmGh

RT @DanSpenser: Not only does Trader Joe's have great prices, all of their merch fits into "Eleanor Rigby." https://t.co/TjoxbE1dAz

That’s a fucked up way to view it. It’s been a bad week for dicks and criminals, maybe. https://t.co/nTeHy631SZ

I miss the exit for my kids school, you jerk off onto horrified colleagues. Same diff. https://t.co/0mQj6I4aJ1

RT @joshgad: Yet you support a man accused of harassment or assault by at least 12 woman after he called your wife ugly & accused ur father…

RT @McJesse: There's a layer of sweatpants between his butthole and the flag so this is not disrespectful. https://t.co/qcbuod0GCJ

Don’t we all? https://t.co/ALE7qkfiGC

A bus is not a car, stupid Captcha.

I traveled to an alternate universe today, where IHOP was fast and delicious.

Dangerous Minds https://t.co/ee2i5oCEtX via @instapaper

The bells at Our Lady of Mercy are chiming, reminding all the neighborhood ladies to take their birth control pills.

Your dad is going to try to sleep with her in, like, four years. https://t.co/KdZNZcs4QI

American Vandal starts as a hilarious spoof, turns into a compelling mystery, and finally eases into a smart commentary on true crime docs.

I was born in the past and it is so good https://t.co/JSoQfeBNve

Damn. Glad I had to poo 30 minutes before kickoff. https://t.co/ojhGsBTi3L

Holy shit, I got 280 characters and nothing to say.

It was so dumb to order the large mayonnaise platter with light mayo. That’s just the small mayonnaise platter, but at a higher price.

RT @TheRickyDavila: Someone please, for the love of everything good on this earth, tell me how killing Elephants and making them trophies w…

RT @lancegould: Just shot this elephant last week in South Africa — w my iPhone. Only a sociopath would use a gun. #DonaldTrumpJr https://t…

RT @ACLU: #SaveNetNeutrality https://t.co/edAOIrEi2R

RT @consequence: Very nice! Borat's #SachaBaronCohen will play the fines against Czech tourists charged with "minor hooliganism" in Kazakhs…

RT @ConanOBrien: Trump is already tweeting that Black Friday is the most ungrateful of all the Fridays.

Football Watcher Magazine called to say that I would probably be their Couch Potato of the Year, but I would have to submit to a lengthy interview and photo shoot. I told them that that this weekend’s rivalry games weren’t going to watch themselves. I’ll pass.

Rightly so. It’s a top notch album. https://t.co/trOAhiddFI

@soundopinions Did I miss the Thanksgiving turkey shoot? Bummed.

Please don't use "light-years" for something that happened a long time ago. It's a unit of distance, not time. Use it to exaggerate how far away something is. 👨🏽‍💻(is that the right nerd emoji?)

Almost gave up on Death from Above after their horrible Voodoo set a few years back, but the new album is terrific!

.@ClassicDadMoves Will describe the new U2 album as "dope"

RT @SarahHuckabee: When you're attacking FBI agents because you're under criminal investigation, you're losing https://t.co/SIoAxatCjp

80% chance of racist remarks from the president this weekend. https://t.co/H7c2Dho1Uo

The straight talk express now zig zags through the mountains of bullshit. #UnfollowJohnMcCain

When I was little, Smokey came to a family campground where we were staying. I refused to shake his hand and told him, “you probably have fleas.” My parents made me go back up to him and apologize. https://t.co/lzpciAotfH

RT @NFLRT: Alex Mack got destroyed by a flag

https://t.co/0VEa7FkhwX

RT @nycsouthpaw: Come again? What kind of party? https://t.co/qpgNyj9lws

Thank you for 280 characters, Twitter. https://t.co/SW5DHZOQgL

Wow, this shit is so cool. https://t.co/tU2nJ4u2lY

I've watched this clip 4 times this morning. It's laugh out loud funny. https://t.co/n6Y5mbr3q9

RT @MoonPie: Buddy it’s saturday night and you’re talking to a marshmallow sandwich on the internet https://t.co/vniddPmGoC

I may not have any followers but at least I haven’t been Twitter owned by a Jedi or a marshmallow sandwich this week. 😄😄

RT @JogMartin: Warrick Dunn is making the down payment and furnishing a home for a single mother today in Atlanta. He's done that 159 times…

Nothing sadder than the office displaying their lonely HPpy Thanksgiving card on December 22. https://t.co/C5Hc41qnGh

The Actual Night Before Christmas https://t.co/VTB1rLcGo8 via @deadspin

RT @WendellPierce: #WhoDatNation bring your best energy today at the Superdome - Have to be loud all 60 minutes for the game vs the Dirty B…

First thing my 6yo said when he woke up: “This is how my face looks when I wake up.”

100% https://t.co/xN7rFzWxo5