Forget playoffs. Any season when the @Saints go 3-0 vs Cowboys and Falcons is a roaring success in my book. #whodat #makeithappen

RT @StationCDRKelly: Day 284. The Big Easy at twilight. #GoodNight from @space_station! #YearInSpace https://t.co/7ZtebQdE5U

Miso horny. https://t.co/TJUp5QvD1r

Of all the business geniuses rotting in hell, the guy who thought to sell fake life jackets to refugees is the king. https://t.co/WXcGBUdyDf

Incredible linup! Are you paying attention @VoodooNola? https://t.co/soUxFWQXQJ

I keep refreshing twitter, looking for Nick Saban's retirement announcement.

Dear @ColinCowherd, Please stop hating on Alabama. The world is a better place when you and I disagree on everything.

Truth is, when I enrolled in the college of engineering, I thought they were going to teach me how to drive trains. #lsu

Great story https://t.co/FmYFPE2vew

RT @FidelisFriend: D.C. Is frozen and the federal govt is shut down, but these guys don't quit. #respect Tomb of Unknown Soldier https://t.…

RT @ochocinco: Ask SIRI what's 1 trillion to the 10th power...

RT @GulfSails: ...and now, thanks to the spillway opening... water moccasins everywhere for your Lake Pontchy/West End boating fun. https:/…

If your server's operating system is old enough to buy cigarettes, it's time to upgrade.

Sure, yesterday was fun and all, but what’s doin’ in Punxsutawney today? https://t.co/ah68GhFCPD

God, how I want this to be a true story. https://t.co/fSOUjpHt27

I was just told, "You're the Robert Durst of dick comments." No idea want that means, but it's funny. ☠🍆

My booger are my brains. Every time I blow my nose, I get a little more stupider https://t.co/ySQwiYIBbG

When you send a 5 year old in to fix your bourbon and Coke, you might not get that much Coke. #buffalotrace

I watched #Airplane! Again this week. Swear to God, I laughed as hard as the first time I saw it, 200 times ago. https://t.co/QNuOjwSoPR

@replyall What's with all the posts about @Oprah and bread? #nonoyes

.@meganamram won twitter today. https://t.co/c3rfs2mSeU

RT @longwall26: The Pope says Trump not much of a Christian. Next will declare water "wet" and the word "colonel" pronounced oddly relative…

Pics of Trump staffers using MacBooks and iPhones should hit my feed in 3, 2, 1 .... https://t.co/lJhfK20D8U

Campaigning for @HillaryClinton in Massachusetts must be a lot like campaigning for pepperoni at Pizza Hut. Right @ljyferry?

What an a amazing looking passage #sailing #natural https://t.co/BHMADNWYwp

Donald Trump, David Duke, and the Soccer Fields of Louisiana https://t.co/m6EqzdPwGW via newyorker

RT @RupertMurdmaid: An estamated 400,000 people died constructing Great Wall of China. But great idea Trump. https://t.co/PEzCD0eGno via @…

Not that I have any SQL people following me, but do I release a new version of a stored proc if I only fixed a typo in a comment? (prob not)

Before we start on free college for everyone, can we work a little more on free and decent grade school for everyone?

I'm not voting for @realDonaldTrump unless he calls someone a "cocksucker" tonight. #GOPDebate

I've yet to meet a beagle that looks even a little bit like Snoopy.

"Dana fail" = "The NFL"

#southern #accent #translation #loviesmith #espncollegefootballpodcast #walkons

RT @OhNoSheTwitnt: Wonder if anyone is going to politicize a tragedy today.

The only one who should be proud is whoever made the rigging that's still holding the mast upright!! https://t.co/PJFdkX3SEp

If I got called "sniveling" by fucking @tedcruz , I'd jump out the window. Your move @realDonaldTrump.

RT @DamnInteresting: The Enduring Mystery Of 'Jawn', Philadelphia's All-Purpose Noun https://t.co/1ZJD6JzVFV https://t.co/NJkVOKb8Mw

Like we needed more reason to pull against Duke... https://t.co/OQLCZvIoUq

Not cool being on a boat at the center of @reedtimmerTVN 's weather map for tomorrow. https://t.co/eNYLmoDOW0

.@shaq and I are both #lsutigers starting in 1989. I feel like I got a HOF nod.

Some of the prettiest music I know is in praise of God. But for a good tune, I'll listen to it praise Allah, Ganesh, or Satan too!

RT @conniebritton: I love you Bruce! A Statement from Bruce Springsteen on North Carolina https://t.co/5oQ6ObGF4m

Spring Sunday's without @LSUbaseball is like Thanksgiving without turkey.

RT @DamnInteresting: How an internet mapping glitch turned a random Kansas farm into a digital hell https://t.co/Gv86IQdu60 https://t.co/YE…

That time the insurance company wrote my 3-year-old a letter https://t.co/ZokIIBF7zJ (credit @frankiii)

What a fun project that would be! https://t.co/dJYvCWONdo

A story in a NY newspaper about a DC university winds up in my own town. A fascinating read. https://t.co/eFakyAOpwD

RT @OhNoSheTwitnt: No pressure but I hear the winner of today's primary gets to decide whether Jon Snow lives or dies.

Nothing against Jackson, but I bet Harriet Tubman has the sense to brush her hair when she sits to pose for her $20 bill portrait.

I wonder what they do for 4/20 in Meskogie?

RT @EliBraden: People forget that up until the late 1980s, all US Presidents wore sweat pants exclusively https://t.co/SSFyr0IQmH

RT @meganamram: Put Prince on the 69 dollar bill

RT @MBSuperdome: Tonight the Dome will be lit in purple in remembrance of Prince, a true music legend. #RIPPrince https://t.co/Nc92WHoEEy

RT @atlasobscura: Audubon made up at least 28 fake species to prank a rival https://t.co/2wOqmMcN9g https://t.co/8f8lYPe3iU

Such a fun read. A first-timer jumps right into the Coachella vortex https://t.co/u3tmm0GZxW

The #piratejoe story on @podcaststartup this week is the best audio story I've heard since the Adnan season of @serial.

A brick hath been shat.

All nighter for work on a Saturday. @TitusAndronicus on the stereo makes it easier to take.

Seems to be a correlation between click bait followers and super weak jaw muscles.

RT @BroncoSportsFB: For the millionth time, it's not a lake, dude https://t.co/vcA19kNsec

As a meticulous curator of my music library, I find this appalling! https://t.co/tUSaRk57vX

"Hashtag Fail" #picblogs #feedly https://t.co/YjgOacVsgK

Every word, every shot has been perfect the last three episodes of #batesmotel

Ok 2016, you got Fogarty, Bowie, Prince, Phife, Merle, and Guy Clark. Let's be done with the music legends for a bit, okay?

RT @PatrickMcEnroe: This is @RafaelNadal when @rogerfederer last missed a major event https://t.co/iCiGzhNmua

RT @DunhamSchoolBR: Swamp fun continues. #dunhamdifference @CajunPrideSwamp https://t.co/Py1g31bCtb

Pass Interference: my new sports bar where you're not allowed to hit on strangers.

RT @OhNoSheTwitnt: Voting for Trump because Bernie isn't the nominee is like hearing they're out of your favorite menu item and eating glas…

I sure wish https://t.co/ETorIG8dC3 would start posting updates again.

RT @taylortrudon: THIS INTERN 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 https://t.co/IulYrSVDgY

Hear why the tiger truck stop guy doesn't consider himself a bad guy in his own words: https://t.co/dpDNRvskI2 https://t.co/fTp3qtqLlV

You think anyone already registered Poolympics as a trademark?

Spending more per pupil than all but 25 other cities, but still not having schools that you can actually send your kids to. #BatonRouge

Everyone should be following @ReillyRick. He's putting on a clinic for how to be bad at Twitter.

#poolympics https://t.co/H93qXOvixH

I'd actually rather smell your farts than that cologne you're spraying. Thanks.

I bet the inventor of Velcro had a bad experience with freshly trimmed pubes and a terrycloth towel.

RT @totc: We're are thrilled to welcome 4 bartenders from Havana’s Legendary El Floridita to #TOTC2016! https://t.co/aChSpYGddj

#NiceAttack is a terrible hashtag. It reads as if you're offering congratulations.

Shit. I thought season 3 of @BoJackHorseman came out today.

Remember the 80s, when terrorism was committed by nice Irish Catholic boys?

Good TV though. #2016in3words

The T/P intercourse gag was just dumb jokes. The true awfulness is the exclamation point. #TrumpPence16 https://t.co/TrZ2397CXU

RT @GregBeast32: That time Laura Ingraham instinctively saluted hitler then quickly realized she was in public.... https://t.co/wZpWKWGypL

Would be easier to sympathize if he weren't a grade A dick. Hope he gets cut so he'll make what he's worth. #whodat https://t.co/KCDKOx8PyG

Fiensteiniest take ever. https://t.co/eT7toabdxl

"The song of the summer is rocking back and forth in the corner morning." Lol @thehighsign

You do know that presidential candidates are asking millions of people who don't know them to judge them, right? https://t.co/agSBJ98qDY

Can you imagine the racist shit that we would hear if Obama had paraded 5 kids by 3 different women through his nominating convention?

Only 4 days until the start of the biggest fiasco in human sport history. #poolympics

Hate it when my spelling is so bad that spell-check can't even figure out and offer the word I'm trying to write.

In @realDonaldTrump 's defense, Russian history, art, and music is amazing (but don't vote for either of us to be president).

There's a gentle dispute in my house over whether @iamjohnoliver or @iamsambee is the funnier daily show alum. No need. Both amazing.

If he had been carrying a trombone, this would be the most New Orleans story ever https://t.co/EpSSy52cyy

I'm so lazy I just stepped out to pee off the deck rather than walk the 15 steps to the bathroom.

Something awesome starts Tuesday. Rhymes with "Card Socks". @HBO

If McDonalds doesn't bring back McRib, nothing you can do folks. Although 2nd amendment people, maybe there is. I don't know.

If grandma is busy, nothing you can do folks. Although 2nd amendment people, maybe there is. I don't know. https://t.co/L9mAKeyTn9

Chili cheese anything is good. Even chili cheese turds are worth ordering.

RT @GulfSails: The Cajun Navy. https://t.co/KxG98qK5ih

Am I the only one who finds improv to be not funny at all?

Just mixed up the dog's pill with my Alleve. Yes, I took dog medicine. #notajoke

.@SECbooger I'd pay good money to see Booger on the beam. https://t.co/R0ngVMbPhH

Sorry I missed an interview with an #LSU tiger. Have to catch it on the podcast for sho https://t.co/knFNqDWi1W

I defy you to show me a Facebook comment thread that ends "WTF Mom" and isn't funny.

This was a great episode of @songexploder. @AndreaDay sounds amazing. Check it out if you like good music. https://t.co/L0MUFWxipQ

Best single-character abbreviations of my family members:🍸💃🐌, plus 🐾🐯. Not arrogant enough to pick one for myself publicly.

Testing fantasy football team names: "After Forbath, I still smell Diarse". (Problem - @let9out not on an NFL roster this year)

@EBJunkies @matt_valdez I bet Lochte was robbed by that Edward Edwards guy.

I guess, if managing to speak 3 times in public without sounding like a raging cunt makes for a pivot. https://t.co/Z4dWKuvKq8

RT @LSUwbkb: #LSU great @seimoneaugustus won a gold medal Saturday, then showed the world her love of Baton Rouge. #AllForLA https://t.co/9…

I actually have this duty tomorrow. Lol. https://t.co/ts3lf9YW2T

In S2 of #StrangerThings, I really hope Barb is the monster.

@brooklynvegan Great tunes on the show today!

This might be the tipping point that finally gets me to visit @johnmchandler https://t.co/vst5JAPfu6

"I can state unequivocally" that @realDonaldTrump's medical letter is the funniest medical report I've ever read. https://t.co/q0w06Kvsgy

.@JameyEisenberg I got Calvin and Maureen in my fantasy #DWTS league. PPS (points per stumble). How'd I do?

But don't miss @Bully or ShakeyGraves https://t.co/853MEQnxAY

If I had to chose one and only one for life - either booze or caffeine - the person making me choose can go fuck himself.

RT @EpiscopalBR: Thank you @PaulGAllen @PeteCarroll Erik Kennedy, Mo Kelly & the @Seahawks. @EpiscopalBR Thanks U 4 Your Support. https://t…

I like that @NancyGrace's career is playing a loud mouth Nancy Grace type in TV and movies now.

As someone who loves sitting in traffic and paying school tuition, I live in the greatest city in the world.

The movies Amadeus and Beethoven aren't nearly as similar as you would think.

Still my favorite ref call. https://t.co/PQp9t1os1R

Listening to the @LSUfootball call without Jim and @Saints without Hoakie made me feel like I slipped into a parallel universe.

Almost wish @HillaryClinton would die, so I could say I voted for a petrifying corpse rather than @realDonaldTrump.

RT @BobbyBancroft: I can't stop watching this https://t.co/SBKMgsnT8s

True dat https://t.co/xqgKgnUlpM

Well done acknowledgement of the cool helmet and simultaneous dig at Petrino in like 60 chars. https://t.co/WaUiAtCpSj

RT @LoveMeLuLu22: if you can share the #trump photo you can help me raise awareness on the #FlintWaterCrisis #LittleMissFlint #Flint https:…

Will @thehighsign go to the camp for infodels, or the one for women past their prime? @Twitturriffic #trumpdelimma https://t.co/HgdzrRYDpq

I'm flabbergasted that Penn State honored Joe Paterno this weekend. Read @MikeWiseguy's column explaining why. https://t.co/7hhN6Spr66

Duh. If you saw that swing and believe it belongs to a 7 handicap, you're probably too dumb to vote anyway. https://t.co/6PT0fWclMj

@LSUCoachMiles We were lucky to have you as long as we did. I'll be pulling for you wherever you land.

If you order anything with your lunch today other than lemonade mixed with tea, there's something wrong with you.

RT @ranimolla: Debate night drinking game: 1. Drink because this is the state of American politics.

Seems fair. https://t.co/T3eSQTcz3G

Today is 10-4. That means you have to affirm everything that anyone tells you all day long.

I've lost 12 pounds in the past week! Unfortunately, it's all in snot.

.@KevinMawae Hey there, good lookin. https://t.co/iJXLtFixDj

@Ivan_Maisel champ drive is better than ever, but could you and @GenoEspn podcast once/week where you just bicker?

100% https://t.co/5VIoH5uISf

I don't even know what that means, but "nutsack," heh heh heh https://t.co/vdodZr4SnH

I know we've already had racial unrest and a massive flood this year, but I really really want creepy clowns too. https://t.co/2TtASVLAyB

No more bitching about respect for our disasters since #Matthew is bearing down on FL and we're only worried about the #LSU football game.

I bet you a richness of martens that this is the most interesting page you'll see all day. https://t.co/9T1mJGC7sh

Greatest mascot ever. RIP #MikeVI https://t.co/iP2pXjN0o5

I'm gonna make my twitter handle 137 characters long so that the only thing you can @ me is "hi" or "fu".

They let washed up, money losing businessmen reverse executive orders? I thought you had to be president, and you won't be. https://t.co/wTFYSj7M2Z

That must be awful. Would you say it feels like being "grabbed by the pussy?" https://t.co/Ous4864IUn

I would troll @HillaryClinton too, but she doesn't post crazy nonsense, and I'm not funny enough to make jokes on normal campaign lines.

Inauguration to what? Narcissist Hall of Fame? https://t.co/PZXcnwrwOX

Bless her little heart. https://t.co/ZFATmbJEV6

If the internet is down, I might as well get off my ass and go vote. Probably be good for democracy. https://t.co/0ltQAsqrzB

People say Jesus was a hero. I like guys who DIDN'T get crucified. Jesus is no hero. #BibleStoriesForTrump

Wow. Amazing article. https://t.co/UoU3bTHOZX

RT @JohnFPfaff: So, looking ahead, the last time the Cubs won the World Series, Europe had a sultan, a tsar, an emperor, and a Kaiser. #GoC…

Admit it, @jdickerson. You feel left out. https://t.co/Z5RH0uIE4I

4 debates, and not one mention of an executive order requiring the Fugees to get together and cut another album. @wyclef

Can I tell you how happy I am that deadpan didn't exist when I was a student going to LSU games? https://t.co/xsJLcrbYZe

No one was wondering that. https://t.co/DuHtXEkYDp

That @ochocinco is unemployed while @RealSkipBayless has a show shows how monumentally stupid tv execs are. Get 85 on the air yesterday! https://t.co/NVnfbDj7LM

I guarantee that your play count for songs by @thekooksmusic is too low.

RT @frankiii: Letter from the Editor: The Advocate’s condemnation of LSU student editors’ decision shameful, unethical https://t.co/9Ggp8VV…

My whole weekend revolves around @Bully's set at @VoodooNola https://t.co/atWu0kjLIf

Thanks Sea, but we quit being scared of witches and Satan in 1988. https://t.co/5KtKppfFxt

50 years ago, now, 50 years hence: if you're with the party whose strategy relies on voter suppression, you're on the wrong side.

You're not so gangsta when your blaring hip hop gets interrupted by the equally loud voice telling you to take a left on Perkins Road.

RT @realDonaldTrump: The electoral college is a disaster for a democracy.

Careful GOP. Did you see the millineal electoral map? Kill medicare = your voters dead. https://t.co/awEX8w1YPN

Go tell 'em, Johnny Mac! https://t.co/L4YraCmHxa

Brilliant https://t.co/gEHdaCBxLA

RT @ESPNCFB: When you remember you still have those Thanksgiving leftovers to eat... https://t.co/NWUegcVEiU

RT @kelkulus: CIA: We've tried to kill Fidel Castro 600 times and failed 2016: Hold my beer

"As an alternate act of protest, I encourage you all to burn the Bill of Rights." https://t.co/x8njNgQpe7

Oregon and Ogeron reportedly both interested in hiring Kiffen. Look again. It's two different words.

Absolutely. The Auburn game of 2015 alone is one to watch over and over for many years to come. https://t.co/kYb4ZCJEAW

RT @cbfowler: If this dude is not already in CFB.. somebody needs to throw a full ride his way. I don't care how many takes this took, it's…

Your show does rule, but you didn't prove it by putting yourself in the company of Honda and Kathy Lee. https://t.co/hBZBkNHb7U

Dammit, this is a pretty song @LykkeLi https://t.co/cjuZ7S5gPR

I'm home watching It's a Wonderful Life with @realDonaldTrump. He's rooting for Old Man Potter.

I would bet on it. https://t.co/tNoqkqABqP

Sure, we need to go ahead and get an OC in place, but naming a new Mike the Tiger is REALLY overdue.

🇨🇦🐯

@Ivan_Maisel Who came up with Wakey-Leaks for today's podcast title? Give that person a raise!

I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at anything on Twitter. https://t.co/P6WBcgvnBH

Other than "Frosty the snowman," no one knows any words to Frosty the Snowman.

I know it's cold outside, but I'm still going home, you rapey old letch.

I would turn US State secrets over to Russia sooner than I would give LSU plays to Ole Miss, Bama, A&M, Auburn, or Florida. #wakeyleaks

For every car built since 2014, the check engine light is ALWAYS on. Ask around. It's not just yours.

Someone this week asked to borrow my earbuds. I think I'm going to paint the tips ear wax yellow so that this never happens again.

Wait, so this site - whose editors don't know the diff between "affect" and "effect" - is your trustworthy source of information? https://t.co/8iRVp2L68c

Just finished @JFeinsteinBooks The Legends Club. One of my favorite sports books of all time.

This is pretty interesting, even if internet security is not your thing. https://t.co/w8o4UF0FOd

I think this is the first time I've seen a photo of the green flash. #sailing #cruising https://t.co/KWqcMISk9q

Well shit. Shit shit shit. https://t.co/namP80hV2f

Some of Phife's lyrics on the new Tribe album are so topical that it's almost impossible to believe that he died nine months back. #2016

My 2am chili cheese omelette was a seriously bad life choice.

RT @Division6Bound: How long before someone broke the news to him?

#Division6Bound https://t.co/s50OARXIzr