Dude pooing in the stall next to me just now was wearing the exact same shoes. Wanted to say "nice kicks," but decided against it.
When Twitter became a cesspool in 2023, I wrote a little script to pull down my old data. I repurposed it here, again with a program, so if you read something from a random old year, you might just be the first person ever to read it. In other words, there's no editing going on here. You can see that in 2023, I jumped from Twitter to Mastodon to post thoughts on my home page, so there's a little icon to tell you where the source was.
Previous Years
2015 Micro Posts from Social Media
↕ Reverse Post Order
Love that someone starred this tweet. Wtf?
https://t.co/CURO9ZDu7n
Holy shit, @ochocinco mentioned me in a tweet!
<<looks at self in mirror and masturbates vociferously>>
On the up side, the ignorant redneck Ohio St. Fan I know is divorced from my family member, so I don't have to hear any of his bullshit.
@thehighsign Up until a few years ago, we had a local pizza place offering a nutria topping. They got rid of it before I had the nerve.
Heard a news story about Charlie Hebdo being distributed in Turkey, and now my head won't quit singing "Istanbul not Constantinople".
Great time suck. Can't wait until I have enough free time to go through it all. http://t.co/cJmhCBqQla
In which Regina Spektor sings in dolphin language. Lol. Thanks #pandora http://t.co/wbGkNmYVZY
RT @GulfSails: Some great waterfront dining spots on the Northern Gulf Coast. https://t.co/Fg5YyiU9nB
Keep not vaccinating your kids. Just eliminates competition for limited spots when my kids are trying to get into college.
@ebjunkies here's my bill Buckner moment. Lsu had this game well in hand until... http://t.co/VYwvAo1z8B
RT @Gunnja: “@sailing_news: VIDEO: Too funny to be forgotten - Scuttlebutt Sailing News http://t.co/w4RKTEVUdD” @bens4lsu ha watch this!
@EBJunkies Freddy Wilhite wants to know: You alive, or are you dead?
An Open Letter from Your Horrible Facebook Friends - The New Yorker http://t.co/HVgJncp0Xy
Translation: That's just how I roll = "I use a 20-year-old expression to justify my own douchebaggery."
This is super-cool. https://t.co/wh7M6O2Ms0
Daily showers are overrated.
RT @nytimes: Step inside the elevators at 1 World Trade Center and witness 515 years of history unfolding at the tip of Manhattan http://t.…
There is no way to discuss smoked nuts without the conversation becoming juvenile.
@ElleKingMusic Little big fan. http://t.co/JhwBtCIm55
RT @AnthonyDelMundo: Crew pulls David Letterman’s iconic ‘Late Show’ set apart - NY Daily News http://t.co/keDfmVWD92 http://t.co/y1AfSNAv2h
RT @WIRED: The beauty and loneliness of Antarctica, as seen via drone http://t.co/3Ldve1R93V http://t.co/nRpWaG3y9q
I came I the office this morning wearing the t-shirt I slept in last night. But I dribbled toothpaste down the front, so it looks fresh.
Doesn't bother me at all that Bruce Jenner wants to be a woman. Bothers the shit out of me that he picked such a dumb name. @Caitlyn_Jenner
"Plot Logbook Entries from 18/19th century ship logs and you get this amazing chart" http://t.co/aMFbVxY8Vn
Somebody has to arrange for an LA team to hire Tom Thibodeau, just to pair with his prospective hockey counterpart, Bruce Boudreau.
I wish I had made up the nickname Supercalifragilisticexpealidickcheese. #VeepHBO
Dear America, please elect @BobbyJindal president. Then the rest of you won't have universities either, and we won't feel left behind.
I once made my family listen to a #Wimbledon finals match on the radio for three hours, while driving through the dregs of Florida.
"Overdrawn at the Neighborhood Pool Snack Bar." My life makes good titles for country music songs.
Holy shit! (pun acknowledged) https://t.co/q2H2dVSxh9
Awe. Great story, @jdickerson https://t.co/kPxlbtbMML
@chefjohnbesh Father's Day brunch at La Provence was absolutely amazing today!
. @BobbyJindal Thanks for the next year of comedic gold at your expense!
In light of current events,I might consider leaving my wife for you, @Tromboneshorty. Whatchasay?
RT @TheOnion: Embarrassing Bounced Check From Greece Taped Up In IMF Headquarters http://t.co/S0yYJS5ZsU
Why does the ATM give me a receipt when it gives ME cash? Shouldn't I be giving it a receipt?
Either picked the wrong day to have jalapeños at lunch it the wrong day to run out of TP or both.
Best laugh I've had all week. https://t.co/Bv8xJT8ZcI
Um, that's not a news source you're citing; its your own web site. Idiot. https://t.co/a4jWNRCmVC
Roger Goodell is a bigger dick than @realdonaldtrump. http://t.co/curL3OVPAC
My 4 year old is asking for @mattandkim cereal. Where can I find that, trader joes?
RT @levarburton: Hey Y'all... Have you heard the news??? http://t.co/O85Wkij4U8
Sporadic errors are worse than traffic jams, taxes, and smelly garbage, all put together. #troubleshooting
RT @RealCoastal: Lawmakers to take up #BP settlement, tax hikes in special session - The special session of the #Alabama... http://t.co/thL…
Who started the chant, "Hey! get laid, get fucked!" during Mony Mony? @MysteryShow
Who is the old bag who looks directly into the camera when Mary Tyler Moore throws her hat? @MysteryShow http://t.co/x1aWJzAMiN
How cool! "A Sea Turtle Made This 5 Year Old Her Best Friend" #sailing http://t.co/orIZUEpkSU
RT @outsidemagazine: The first government-sanctioned boat race to Cuba was a total sh*tshow: http://t.co/dyaEpDoPFA http://t.co/E4EFJYHN9I
The fat guy in this restaurant dripping buffalo sauce down his Marshall's t-shirt is grossing me out. (Okay, it's me.)
RT @EBJunkies: Wait someone legally changed their name to Deez Nuts to run for office? #genius
.@BobbyJindal - Don't the 31 likes on your previous tweet suggest that you don't have the chops to win your party's nomination?
Sony Pictures: Inside the Hack of the Century http://t.co/auk8YKfDUT via @instapaper
RT @michaelwhitewx: Lightning last night near Tiger stadium. LSU game was cancelled. Photo by @MichaelCauble http://t.co/hi2jFs1IcD
This is such a fucking good read! http://t.co/s7ePhiEFfJ via @Instapaper
RT @LSUsports: Not so fast 'Canes. @LSUfball w/ 39 on 53-man rosters on 9/10 http://t.co/TjJA1qiMOa #NFLSU https://t.co/PavRgbD3l9 https:/…
Finally cool weather. Welcome back Scotch. I hope you missed me as much as I missed you!
Shame on God for giving me such hairy ears!
People without #kids, is nice to pass through a bathroom that doesn't have a turd floating in the bowl?
I spent my birthday reading fake Verne Lundquist Twitter accounts, and it was glorious.
@bens4lsu: I took Tebow's virginity! #SECNation
I don't know how ESPN finagles it so that every game is at commercial at the same time, but they have it down to a science.
Stat of the week: Missouri 9, Uconn 6, no field goals in the game.
Limited offer: I'll text your dad with something sexually suggestive about Leonard Fournette. Expires end of game or beginning of sobriety.
RT @OhNoSheTwitnt: 🎶 Just a spoonful of Christ's blood makes the mortal sin go down 🎶 - Mary Pope-ins
I feel like getting drunk and tweeting dirty jokes to Verne Lundquist. Too bad he's not on Twitter.
RT @Interior: Things you do when you think no one is looking ... #Bison don't care at National Bison Range in #Montana https://t.co/U2M7uj0…
RT @GulfSails: Tracking is already live as boats start docking in Pcola - looks to be a rough one. https://t.co/PB6hSivTJ2 https://t.co/pni…
Just filled my only napkin with boogers, and now I need to wipe my mouth. 😟
RT @dansamiljan: I can write haikus. The second line is easy. It's the last line that
@GulfSails Congratulations! Can't wait to read details about the journey and about Havana!
RT @lolojones: LSU by 100
I like to use a copy of Charlotte's Web any time I kill a spider, @TheOnion
RT @ConanOBrien: Finally, a Thanksgiving without a drunken uncle. Just me, my nieces and nephews and my bottle of Jack Daniels.
RT @dandydonlsu: A shout out to the fans in Tiger Stadium last night. Really rose to the occasion. #ForeverLSU https://t.co/loBgsZQiJ6
RT @Ivan_Maisel: Joe Alleva, @lsu AD, is the kind of lifeguard who makes you swim ashore before he throws you a life preserver.
No, no. Not a tear. Santa just got a little of that soot in my eye. https://t.co/mqjtWydjXG
Can't wait for Sesame Street to debut on #HBO. I've always wanted to see Big Bird's naked behind.
Horse fans, mad that #si gave #sportsperson to @serenawilliams, might want to consider that Serena got the nod for being an actual person.
Any top album of 2015 list without @Alabama_Shakes Sound and Color isn't worth a damn. My fav album in the last 5 years, at least.
*gets friend's phone "Siri, call me 'Big Fat Pig' from now on." friendCount = friendCount - 1