Seattle: Worst Place in the World

April 24, 2012

I just can't seem to bring myself to watch this week's episode of The Killing. I haven't decided to make the step of "firing" it (which is when I delete the TIVO subscription for it to auto-record), but it's definitely on paid leave.

I wasn't one of the viewers that was very upset with the fact that they didn't solve the murder on the finale to season one. In fact, I stubbornly continued to think that despite the forged evidence, they had the right guy. But of course, they didn't. We had to set up a whole season of tail-chasing so that we can finally find out who the murderer is at the end of the second season.

And that's the jist of the problem with this show. Two seasons is too long to solve one crime. Especially since it's a run of the mill murder that every other show would have knocked out in an hour, with time left to spare for witty banter and a clueless lieutenant who spends his time demanding that his star detectives turn in their gun and badge.

There are no star detectives in this show. And there is no shining light guiding this fictional version of the Seattle police either. Linden was supposed to move away, didn't, and now she gets to work side-by-side with her replacement. Is there no one who looks at the homicide department personnel budget? Perhaps they're well under budget, given the competence of our two main characters. It's becoming harder and harder to ignore the holes that they step around week after week. Victims father has mob connections? Ah, we'll look into that next season. Employees who worked in the house where they live? Can't interview them all right away. Councilman Richmond gets emails from the victim's prostitute email? Well, doesn't matter -- we cooked up evidence against him, so he couldn't have any new information to add, right?

So, yes, the police homicide department is the worst in the world, which is fitting for a family that has the worst parents in the world. If your daughter lives under your roof, goes to high school by day, and is a prostitute on weekends, you're about 15 years too late for the parenting course that you badly needed to take. When a tragedy strikes your family, it's best to show a smidgeon of attention and caring on the remaining children. And also, disappearing on your family to boink strangers in seedy motels for some number of days is hardly the way to nurture even the best of families.

But besides the world's worst homicide detectives and parents, what's so wrong with this place? How about the world's worst school? Remember the sex dungeon in the school's basement? As I recall, the principal knew it was there, but assumed that it had fallen into disuse. I can't even think of anything to add.

Let's not forget the worst doctor in the world. Sure, Richmond looks pretty good for a recent gunshot victim fighting for his life, but I don't think most medical schools recommend letting your patients figure out for themselves that they're paralyzed.

And to top it off -- and this one is obvious if you've watched -- we have the worst weather in the country. It's usually dark, almost always raining, and if I see one more second of bulky wool sweater, I'm going to scratch my skin from the psycho-sympathetic itching.