My Butt Is Cleaner Than Your Butt

There's no way to start this story delicately. I was on the toilet.

This is last Saturday. Crystal and Camilla were at the house for a short visit, and I had finished my business. We have the toilet seat add on bidets installed, so I turned the knob to give my butthole a good rinse. Once satisfied, I turned it back, but instead of shutting off the water, the knob came off in my hand.

I reached down for the toilet's water shut off, but it was just out of reach.

I went ahead and flushed, and then I called for Mrs. theskinnyonbenny. She in turn sent Ko, and then he was leery about coming into the toilet area.

Scene of the crime

"What"

"You have to come all the way in. I need you to shut off the water."

"Let me go find my shoes."

He disappeared, and at that point, the spray into my butt had been going for a good five minutes. By the time he got in and to the shutoff valve, it was even longer. And then the knob turned, but the water didn't shut off. It was just slipping around the nut without actually turning the valve inside the pipe. So my butthole flush continued.

I finally decided that I needed to get up. I had Ko move the hamper out of the immediate area, as things other than my backside were about to get really wet. I darted as quickly as I could, and the spray arched out of the bowl and hit the tile wall across from the toilet.

And then I couldn't find any pliers that would turn the bidet knob. V was home, and he had something in his car that worked well. But meanwhile, a geyser spewed forth from the toilet bowl onto the wall.

I joked that if there's anyone that ever wanted to do butt stuff with me, it would be a good day to give it a try.

Previously, the cleanest my anus ever got was when I could foul a hotel washcloth and get up in there in a manner that I would never do with my own. But I think I had even the hotel washcloth day beat last Saturday.