Shit John Said

In the fall of 2014, I had a contract that brought me daily into yet another cube farm. One voice routinely carried over the room, louder than all of the others combined. I'm embarassed about how long it took us to start writing down the utterances of this one man quote machine, but at some point, we finally did. Behold, shit John said:

  1. i'm so rich i got millionaires cuttin my grass
  2. ... and how long you been doin this?
  3. buncha pecka willies
  4. we need information. not speculation.
  5. I'm gonna live in the dumpster at the skate park in silicon valley.
  6. ... man, this place is FAIL-TOPIA!
  7. this is where they send u when they want u to quit.
  8. man, that car is project-manager money...
  9. ... you know what I'm sayin? (typically used as a verbal punctuation mark)
  10. I'm goin smoke...
  11. my damn emails are quarantined again!
  12. I can't sign anything without the lawyers lookin' at it...
  13. I'm movin to Lybia.
  14. this is NOT a debate!
  15. I'm the red headed baby sitter.
  16. thats mutually exclusive and collectively exhaustive. oh guess u didn't make it that far in math class.
  17. I'm gonna just run in circles till my heart explodes.
  18. I'm gonna go out and smoka WHOLE PACK of cigarettes!
  19. put in your damn password... whatcha think i meant when i said put in your password?
  20. I don't care if Baby Jesus is in a cycle, they're gonna want to run another one.
  21. I'm ready to bathe in the blood of my enemies today...
  22. you could put a gun to their head and produce 27 claims in 2 months.
  23. they're like an excuse machine gun..
  24. A bigger garbage can doesn't solve the garbage problem.
  25. I was about to chew the carpet up with my teeth.
  26. You could get this from any peckawilly Access application at any small business in town, and they act like it's a big deal.
  27. You got a bunch of COBOL programmers who think they're frickin' rock stars because they can write a nested IF statement.
  28. who would know the difference if we turned the server off?
  29. if your business model is maintenance then you've discovered a productivity supernova.
  30. It was like buying assless chaps to wear in San Francisco.

I also collected quotes from random people over here