The Porn Fairy

My buddy Perv used to refer to the "Porn Fairy" from time to time. I wasn't sure until recently whether this was a widely known term or just something that he came up with. It seems to be the latter.

Every boy I knew had experiences where they just come across unexplained pornography for no reason. For me, it was often a wet matted magazine lying out in the woods where I would play. There's no explaining how it got there other than as a gift from the porn fairy.

I remember once in elemetry school, my friend Ryan, my neighbor Tyra, and I came across a dirty magazine. We were in a large yard leafing through the pictures about 30 yards from the street. My dad drove by, and rather than play it cool, Tyra snapped the magazine shut and pushed it down into the grass real fast.

Dad asked me later what was in the magazine.

"...umm, uh, naked men." I thought naked men might be okay but naked women would be bad. Plus, it wasn't entirely false. In the pictures of people doing the nasty, there were, of course, some naked men.

My Dad responded with something like, "Naked men? Naked women I can see, but don't be looking at magazines full of naked men!"

I checked in with Ryan later. He had told his parents that we were looking at pictures of food.

Can't you just hear the conversations that his parents must have had?

"Honey, he said he was just looking at pictures of food."

"Food? Benny told Dan that it was naked men."

"Maybe it was food shaped like naked men. Or food covering naked men."

No, I'm sure it didn't go like that. But I wonder if they puzzled over whether to call us on it and punish us or whether to just let it go. I know it was a surprise to get off scott-free.

Just another gift from the Porn Fairy, I suppose.