Tainted Record

February 16, 2011

Did you know that I was once represented in the Guinness Book of World Records?

It's true. Back when I was a college student, someone came up with the notion that on a home football game Saturday, they could get a couple of thousand people out to the Parade Ground at LSU, run through the Hokey Pokey, and get ourselves in. It was pulled off the morning of an LSU/Alabama game, and it was  acknowledged as a record by Guinness. I went with Big M (Big M was one of the of the most fun chicks I knew in college. I don't mean that in a sexual way. Really.) and the woman who would go on to become Mrs. theskinnyonbenny, and because Big M was so darn tall, you could find us in the crowd shot that aired on the local news.

Several years ago I looked it up, and our record had been broken. I'm okay with that, because I think our record was tainted anyway. You see, the lyrics of the Hokey Pokey all but demand that the participants be in a big circle. How can you do it without there being something to put your body parts "in" and "out" of? But we didn't do that. It was just a sea of people sticking body parts toward the speaker or away from the speaker. If I was the judge, I would declare a flawed Hokey Pokey attempt, and head back to Guinness headquarters to get my next assignment.

I was reminded by our tainted record this morning. We listened to kids music while I drove Vanya to school, and the Hokey Pokey popped into the rotation. It's just as impossible to perform while driving as it is while in a sea of people in the Parade Ground.

Because I'm an old man now, I strained my left shoulder during the left arm "shake it all about." It hurt for an hour or so.

But that's what it's all about.