Replies That I Didn't Make on Facebook

All of these are honest-to-god comments that came to my mind when reading people's Facebook updates, and which I didn't think appropriate to leave as replies.

"When did you become such a big NBA fan? We were at LSU together when Shaq was there, and back then, you couldn't have given any less of a shit."

"Is that you, or did you just pluck a random pic from hotchickswithdouchebags.com?"

"Do you smoke a lot of dope, or are you just naturally that philisophical? 'Cause I don't remember you being so deep when chocolate milk was coming out of your nose in our Junior High cafeteria."

"What a great photo. You can't even tell that the baby's retarded."

(Said baby is not at all retarded, as far as I know. There's only one time when this jumped to mind, but I could probably use it all of the time.)

"I think your double chin would be more attractive than that chicken head stretch that you're doing in order to make it look like you don't have a double chin."

"Your wife's comments are kind of creeping me out. I hope she's not as psycho as she seems."