Questions for Tom

I suppose that some of you know that my employer was recently acquired by Equifax. This is my first experience working for a big giant company, and I eagerly await the day that this site gets me fired.

Anyway, the new CEO, Tom Chapman came by the office this week to give us the Equifax song and dance and to welcome us into the fraternity.

I use the word fraternity, because we were all issued pledge pins, and a creed that you can memorize for potential rewards. I can't wait until initiation when they teach us the Equifax secret handshake!

Anyway, Tom put on a presentation, and then fielded questions. He did a good job on both, I thought. But he didn't answer every question. He didn't answer the ones that we didn't have the balls to ask in the first place:

• We notice that there is only one minority and one woman on each of the pages of the annual report with the executives and board members. Would you care to comment?
• You're from Atlanta. Do you know Outkast? Can you go, "all right all right all right all right?"
• Did you kill anyone in Vietnam? How did it feel?
• How do I go about fixing the credit reports of my friends and family?

Just for the record, I only came up with two of these myself, but I won't name anyone else, since they are likely to value their employment more that I seem to.

By the way Tom, have you read about the state of your new urinals?