Questions for the Bald Guy

August 06, 2004

The novelty of me shaving my head has finally worn off. My hair actually grows back quite quickly. It's hard to keep a good Charlie Brown look going. As you might imagine, showing up after lunch with your mane lopped off leads to some good reactions. I wish I had thought to set up the video camera to catch the expressions of passes by.

When you show up with no hair, everyone's a comedian. Some questions are good, and some are bad. The comparisons to other bald people are mostly pretty good. (More on that in a day or two. Look for a new page.)

Here are the questions that I'm asked most commonly.


That there's one ugly son of a gun.
  1. Why did you do that ? I know that what you really mean is that I look a lot uglier now. Yes, I was really good looking with a full head of hair, but heck, there's no harm in letting some of the other guys get some attention once in a while. What I get in the trade off for my good looks is air conditioning. My head was hot. Damned hot. Miserable hot. A walk outside for an hour felt like an all day trek through Mexico. Just sitting inside in the air conditioning was hot. It was awful. One more thing: I'm not the one that has to see my ugly cranium. I catch a mirror only a couple of times a day. It's the rest of you who notice my looks.
  2. So is it cooler now?
  3. Yes, honestly, it really is. Not only is it cooler, it's just generally comfortable. It's fun to rub a bald head, or to slap it a little, like Curly from the Three Stooges.
  4. Did your wife know?
  5. I've been threatening to shave my head for years. I'm pretty sure that I was well past the point where she really thought I would do it, but then again, I don't think that it was a total shock. She knows me pretty well.
  6. So what did she say?
  7. I remember it something like this...
    Mrs.: [Nervous laughter]...put it [my hat] back on. You look like a freak. Me: Wanna feel it? Mrs.: [More laughing]NOO! Get away from me, freak!
  8. Did you lose a bet?
  9. Um, yeah, I heard that one already. About 60,000 times, as a matter of fact. You really aren't funny, if that's what you came up with. The funnier variety was, "Who won the bet," which was actually amusing the first 3 or 4 times. Well, maybe the first 2 or 3. The question that I ask myself is, "where did you get that big dent in your skull?" I've got a indentation not unlike a shallow tire tread just north of my right temple. If anyone reading this remembers bashing my soft noggin into a shelf when I was a baby being carried, then go ahead and fess up.