Primary Colors

If you have a little kid, you've probably suffered through little kid music. It's part of the price of raising a child. But there are degrees of bad little kid music, and I'm with you today to warn you away from the worst of the worst.

If your child comes across a song called "Primary Colors," tell them that "primary" is a bad word, and that you'll wash his little mouth out with soap if you ever hear it uttered again.

The tune is bad, but it also sticks in your head.

The voices are grating and irritating.

Worst of all are the lyrics.

If you'd like to hear it, you can click the play button below. But I'm warning you, you really, really, really don't want to hear it.

The lyrical laziness is unforgivable to me. Verses jump from thought to thought with no reason at all. There's no attempt to make the lines rhyme where they should. And in one especially crappy case, they ignore an obvious rhyme in order to spit out garbage. Here's what the song says:

Red is the color found everywhere we look. Fruits and vehicles, even clothes we wear. Yellow is the color of the big, bright sun. Yellow bananas, and yellow hair too.

Who says "yellow hair" anyway? But disregarding that, they could have easily sang,

Red is the color found everywhere we look. Fruits and vehicles, even clothes we wear. Yellow is the color of the big, bright sun. Yellow bananas, and also yellow hair.

See how my alternative has the same crappy ideas, but at least the lines rhyme?

This verse makes me so angry, I want to rip the stereo out of my dashboard and throw it into the road every time I hear it.

According to the Itunes play count, I've listened to this 31 times. It feels like 531.