Mailbag II

May 17, 2004

You've finally sent me enough miscellaneous stuff to have another mailbag session. I wish I would get more so that we could do this more often.

From Shelly:

I think you should put this picture of me and Abby (my godchild) on your web page since we are so cute.

In general, sending me a picture of yourself is just asking to be made fun of, but I'm a softie for cute little girls. I'll let you slide this time.

From Mrs. skinnyonbenny:

One of your readers would like for you to post a 'name that zit' contest.

That sounds fun.
Let the contest begin. First place wins a can of potted meat!

From barf:

Hi Ben- I tried to email this to you once before but it bounced back. Here's a nice picture of your baby sister for your website.

At least I know that my big nasty chick filter worked once. I'll have to see what is keeping it from continuing to block this sort of garbage. Please guys, I know I beg for participation, but not like this.

Here's a message that I got at work. It's funny only because I don't speak a word of Spanish. You can imagine how helpful this message was. I've only blocked out the names because it's a work message. I can't have my customers and coworkers finding this site.

From: **********
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2004 12:22
To: Ben Schultz
Cc: ***********
Subject: RE: Informes de Crédito

Another example.


> -----Original Message-----
> From: ***********
> Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2004 2:11 PM
> To: ***********
> Cc: ***********
> Subject: RE: Informes de Crédito
> Favor ver caso 2327526. Se intentó por las dos compañias de crédito.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: ***********
> Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2004 12:01 PM
> To: *****************
> Cc: *****************
> Subject: Informes de Crédito
> Para fines de monitorear unos cambios realizados por APPRO, necesitamos
> que tan pronto tengan un caso de hoy que muestre el error de no poder ver
> el 'text file' del informe de crédito, necesitamos que llamen de inmediato
> a tecnología con el AppID para llamar a APPRO al instante. Como
> contingencia, también envín un reply a este mensaje con el AppID.

And the grand finale, from a big nasty reader who would probably prefer to remain anonomous:

I need to write this email while everything is still fresh in my mind.I had quite a bizarre dream last night that included Ben, Heather and Stacie.Coupled of things made this dream really weird enough that I had to let you know.First, everything seemed so clear to me....small background details,trivial conversations I was having with each one of you and secondly it seemed like it lasted all night..really strange. I'll make it short: Starts off I was riding my bike(don't know why I was riding a bike since I don't own one)in downtown BR on my way to a parade and I decided to ride to the end of the parade route and wait there for the floats when I see all 3 of y'all.I park my bike in this apartment complex(in some laundry room).Go out enjoy the parade...everything is normal so far.Parade is over and we decide to get a drink at some bar but stacie wants to puts the beads away and it just so happens that the apartment complex were my bike is parked is where she lives.So ben/Heather go to the bar and I walk Stacie back to her apartment to put the beads away and I go get my bike.On my way to the bike I get lost and basically half of my dream is centered around me finding my bike except towards the middle of the dream I notice all 3 of y'all are now midgets(with really big heads) and are trying to kill me(I couldn't figure out with what though).So a vicious chase ensues.This seemed like it lasted forever and was really the highlight of the whole dream.During the whole chase sequence all 3 of y'all where yelling things at me that freaked me out which made me more frantic in the dream. Well, the chase ends in this big parking lot.. a small fight takes place and the dream is over.

I intended to conclude with a picture of my head blown up and pasted on a midget, but google "midget picture" and see what you get. I just so happen to be writing this on a day where I'm not up for sifting through pages of midget porn just for gag.