Louie's for Breakfast

May 20, 2004

If you were an LSU student, then you've eaten at Louie's. It was the place to go after all the bars had closed but you didn't want to go home yet. Come to think of it, there was one knucklehead in the fraternity house that wanted to fire the cook and have the meals catered by Louie's. I'm sure it's still booming at 2:00 am, but at my age, we go there for breakfast.

Surprisingly, the weekday morning crowd is businessmen. They are there any time up until 9:00 on weekdays, reading their papers. There's even a Wall Street Journal highbrow or two. It's almost entirely men. This morning, there were a dozen customers, and only one was female (and even that designation is questionable).

The food is 90% grease, with just enough organic matter that you can distinguish whets on your plate -- say eggs from potatoes. But man, it's pretty good. The omelets are the size of your forearm. What more do you need?

The main character today is a noisy, crotchety old guy cooking. He doesn't shut up the whole time you're there, and every utterance is hilarious. If he has no one to talk to, he just talks to himself. My sister is even a little frightened of him. At one point, I heard him muttering about Saratoga, which I thought was odd, until I realized he had read the word on my hat.

You're pretty much stuck listening to his random thoughts. I've never heard him mention a sporting event or something from the news. His topic when I sat down was the Brady Bunch. (Actually, it was the worst songs ever recorded, which led quickly to the Brady Bunch.) "Anyone who says they weren't checking out Marsha Brady is lying. Anyone who says they were checking out Cindy is a pervert." Well, um, what if I was six when I was checking out Cindy?

If you were in college during the 80s or 90s, Louie's is no cleaner then you remember. The dirtiness is probably the biggest gripe that people might have with Louie's, but I don't think the food would be as good if the restaurant were clean. Of course, it wouldn't give you the trots for two days if your bacteria tolerance is low either.

But here�s my only complaint about the cleanliness: after I used the bathroom and pulled up my pants this morning, there was a big spot on the leg that was soaking wet. Yuck.