Jim Holt

Next time I get in an accident, I'm gonna get me some "crash cash."

Jim Holt's billboards are everywhere in this city, and I do mean everywhere. On at least one route that I can take on my 5 mile commute to work, I can see this photo on two bus stop benches and on one large billboard. I've even seen this image pop up during the pre-preview advertisements at the movies.

Jim Holt's Baton Rouge Billboard (one of many)

I used to be bothered by the amount of ambulance chasing in Louisiana. I know that it's the ambulance chasers team with the uninsured motorists to make our auto insurance rates among the highest you can find.

If you live in a different state, I just dare you to call your car insurance company and threaten to move to Louisiana. See what it will do to your rates. When you find out, let me know. I'd be curious to find out.

Anyway, I'm over my indignation. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Now, I'm just counting the days until I'll get rear-ended. My first call will be to ol' Jim Holt. My second, to the police. My third, to whichever doctor or chiropractor is on Jim's payroll.

Every time I've gotten a wrecked car, it's been someone else's fault, and I'm put out with the hasstle of getting my car repaired. Just paying for the repair alone doesn't really compensate me for all of the bullcrap that goes along with being in an accident. If anyone around here deserves some crash cash, it's those of us who carry insurance and tend to drive safely.

And just look how much cash I can get. Judging from this picture, Jim's going to have to bring it to me in a big canvas bag, as in an old Western. Hell, it might just be straight gold in that bag, from what I can tell. I'm pretty sure that it's not just full of pennies. That would be misleading.

Of course, in this picture, the guy's car is split half in two, but even a minor accident must be worth a pretty good bundle. Besides, I think the broken car is metaphorical. As big a man as Jim Holt must surely be, a real car still wouldn't fit in the palm of his hand.

I wonder if I'll need a three piece suit and a cowboy hat for when we go to negotiate with the insurance company? I guess Jim will let me know how to dress. I can't wait.

So if you see a white Jeep on the road in Baton Rouge, it's probably in your best interest to keep your distance.