I'm Convinced - Conspiracy Theories

June 29, 2016

There has been a small slice of my brain that hasn't given up the conspiracy theory that Donald Trump is a plant, organizing with the Clinton campaign.

"Hillary, I'll be as obnoxious as possible, make fun of your looks, give you a dumb nickname, and make absolutely sure that the only votes the Republicans get are the blind homers who just root for their team and don't actually pay attention to the campaign."

His act is convincing, and I was just about to dismiss my doubts, when I read that he's lining up Bob Knight as a GOP convention speaker.

Did you catch that? He's lining up a speaker whose most famous quote is, "If rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it."

There's no way this is for real.

There is one other conspiracy theory I believe whole-hardheartedly.

Readers in my age range will remember when they changed the formula for Coke. They released what we all called "New Coke," which was formulated to taste as much like Pepsi as possible. After the predictable blowback, Coke returned as "Coca Cola Classic," and New Coke faded into food history.

But the classic wasn't the original Coke. This is when they made the switch from sugar to high fructose corn syrup as a cheaper sweetener. The move was genius -- they gave us time to forget the subtle better taste of sugar, while simultaneously propping up demand for what we would believe to be the original product.

Please don't burst my bubble with the Snopes article debunking this theory. I only get limited opportunities to model my tinfoil hat.