I Don't Know Who That Is

I'm reasonably terrible at seeing famous people and then having the ability to identify those people. I'm glad there are no red carpet shows, because I spend the whole time wondering who these people are. But I don't ask, because they invariably end up being someone completely obvious. Like Tom Hanks.

I could be at a restaurant at a table three feet from Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt having dinner together, and there's no chance I would notice that there are celebrities near by. Add their brood of Asian, black, and white kids, and I might think, "Wow, what a handful," or maybe even, "Those people are awfully good looking to be eating at IHOP," -- because where else could you take all those kids -- but I still probably wouldn't notice that I'm next to the most famous couple in the world.

A couple of weeks ago, there were back-to-back presidential debates. I watched very little, because I couldn't hear what they said over my own chatter:

"Who's that one?"

(with disdain) "Can you really not know Bill Richardson?"

"Which one is he again?"

"Governor of New Mexico."

"Is he the one that doesn't believe in evolution?"

"No, these are Democrats."

As of now, if given a lineup, I could identify Democrats Clinton, Obama, and Edwards, and Republicans McCain and Giuliani. But our primary won't matter, so I have all the way to November to get up to speed on whichever two candidates that the rest of the nation picks for us.

It was just a few nights after the debates that our evening entertainment news showed Britney Spears being hauled out of her house and taken to the looney bin over some standoff about her kids.

"Are you sure that was Britney Spears?" I asked.

"Yes," Mrs. theskinnyonbenny answered, disgustedly.

"Are you sure? Because that woman has brown hair, kind of a big nose, and her cooter was covered up."