Dog Poop at The Regal Beagle

December 27, 2006

It's been a few weeks now, but one night we were sitting outside at the Regal Beagle, enjoying a cool fall night, and having a few drinks. Because I love to play with fire, it takes only a slightly cold or damp period to get me to light one up, so we were enjoying the warmth between face fulls of smoke.

Dog poop, collected along with a couple of leaves.

Perhaps the biggest drawback of my back yard is that there aren't any open grassy areas for dogs to use as a toilet. It necessitates an almost constant effort to pick up dog poop and hose down the spots where the poop was soft. Especially because I usually go out there barefoot.

This particular night, I had the bright idea to see if we could burn some of the poop. I think it was born out of a sense of environmentalism. (Just think about how valuable my poopy patio becomes if we find a viable way to turn poo into a renewable energy source. Poopodiesel?)

We went to one of Blossom's favorite spots, as her turds are the size of a small elephant's. We swept up a good pile and threw them in to burn.

Into the fire pit.
A steady, nice burn.

Here's what I learned: I've been wasting my money on starter logs. The poop caught quickly, burned steadily, and lasted a while. It didn't smoke excessively or make the fire stink. It was pretty much exactly like burning a starter log.

This is just the kind of genius that regularly comes from people drinking at the Regal Beagle. Unfortunately, much of that genius gets forgotten in the night -- between when we leave the bar area and when we wake up the next morning.

To that end, my resolution for 2007 is to launch the "Live From the Regal Beagle" video podcast. The idea is to have crappy armature video of what happens out there after the first few rounds are consumed and the real bullshit starts to take place. I'll condense that to a highlight reel lasting from five to twenty minutes, and publish it for anyone who wants to see.

I think this is my path to fame and fortune.

That and the poopodiesel.