August 10, 2007

I tore this feature out of the corner of the paper last week. It struck me as unusual. If it ran again this week, I didn't see it.

I've been trying for a week to think of something that would be outrageous enough to amuse, yet still be published. I haven't really thought of anything that was all that good, but I feel compelled to submit a false problem anyway.

This morning, I emailed this submission.

I'm sick and tired of "Hawaiian shirt day" at the office. Who do these fat nobodies think they're kidding? People who look entirely presentable Monday through Thursday come to work looking like unemployed beatniks every Friday, just because the boss wants to wear his own Hawaiian shirt. I refuse to participate, and of course, I get made fun of every week. You guys want to make fun of someone? Go look in a mirror. Steve Helmke Equifax, Inc. 37

Here's your challenge: Send your own submission to The Advocate. Blind-copy me on your submission. For the first submitter who gets published, I'll buy drinks. For the most outrageous submitter who gets published, I'll buy drinks again.

Terms and conditions: 1. Only emails bcc'd to are eligible for prize drinks. 2. $25 limit on free drinks, unless I already owe you $25 (Jeremy), in which case the prize limit is $50. 3. "Most outrageous" contest ends when I deem that it ends. No notice will be given. 4. Judging is the sole responsibility of myself, although I reserve the right to discuss and be advised by those who happen to be drinking at the Regal Beagle when it crosses my mind. 5. Those who have ever stolen tamales from me (Linkin family) will be ineligible. 6. Those related to me will be ineligible, except for those related to me who I don't care for enough to provide favoritism. So on second thought, all of my family members remain eligible.