Bunny Boiler

April 30, 2009

If you are one of the lucky few to have been in LSU's College of Engineering at the same time as Monhoon (no last name -- like Madonna, Monhoon needs only one identifier), you may occasionally receive text messages like this one.

I'll let you take some time to try to figure out the author of this message while I tell a little story. You can post your guess in the comments, if you're so inclined.

Back in the day, when Mrs. theskinnyonbenny was known simply as Girlfriend theskinnyonbenny, she had a roommate in the Mechanical Engineering program. Being a female in Engineering is enough to garner a bit of attention, but she provided the horney nerds the lagniappe of being a cute non-Asian female Mechanical Engineering student. For the sake of the abbreviation, let's just call Girlfriend theskinnyonbenny's roommate "Kathy."

Although I was in Electrical Engineering, I was friends with a handful of ME nerds, and I used to tag along to a study room in the building that housed the Engineering and Business colleges to study. Better to do calculus in a group than in one's own stale beer-smelling room, we figured.

Occasionally, one of the other students -- this one would be Monhoon -- would join us for study time. He wasn't much of a scholar, and every time you would get a good train of thought going, he would interrupt to point out a girl passing in the hallway. No matter what she looked like, he always made the same comment. "I want to fuck her nastybad!" This was followed by a hearty laugh that was something like a rapid fire "HOIEEHOIEEHOIEEHOIEEE." His enthusiasm for nastybad fucking was so infectious that it was difficult to get any work done.

Although we never heard Monhoon directly refer to Kathy when he said, "I want to fuck her nastybad," he certainly must have had the thought many times each day. Monhoon may have aspired to be Don Juan, but there was a special place in his fantasy womanizing world that was set aside just for her. He would ask those seated between the two of them in class to ask her if she would like to share some gum. One year, he took the opportunity of a pause in a lecture to speak across the room, inviting her to ditch Spring Break with the cool kids and road trip in a van full of kids who were mostly new to our country.

It got less cute when Monhoon moved across the street from Kathy and Girlfriend theskinnyonbenny. And then when they got a new apartment the next school year, he moved across the street from that one. I definitely caught him peering through the blinds a couple of times as I would come and go. I remember reporting that he was wearing nothing but tighty-whities, but I no longer remember whether that was true or whether I just made it up.

So that's how "I want to fuck you nastybad" became a catchphrase that still shows up on my phone to this day.