February 27, 2007

Judge Wapner:

I know you've been sworn and I have read your complaints. You claim that the defendant owes you money for gambling winnings?


Yes your honor. I'll explain.

On Sunday night, we went to an Oscars party. As any decent event-based party should have, there was gambling. It was a normal ballot with all of the categories and points broken down as 5 for the big categories that people care about (actor, director, etc.), 3 for the mid-majors (cartoon, song), and 1 for the junk that you just have to sit through (sound editing, best gaffer, and guy who's best at setting up celebrities' trailers on film sets). The awards were broken down for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place as 50%/30%/25%.

Predictably, Mrs. theskinnyonbenny had not a cent of money with her. But I happened to have exactly $10 -- enough to buy two $5 entries.

As luck would have it, Mrs. theskinnyonbenny won the pool by a full five points, despite the fact that she had picked and then scratched out the correct Best Picture. I tied with another guy for 2nd place, so we split the pot 50/25/25. Or rather, Mrs. theskinnyonbenny took home 75% of the pot, while my wallet remains empty.

So here's the question, considering the fact that she couldn't have even entered without my entry fee, how much of that pot is mine? Her final take was right around $100, so that makes the math easy. I say my third of the $100 is all mine. It was my entry fee and my picks that make up that amount. Plus, I should get half of her two-thirds since I ponied up the cash.


Ma'am, do you have anything to add to that?


Yes your honor. I'm smarter, especially when it comes to movies and pop culture. And he probably wouldn't have even gone to the party if I hadn't been so big on the whole thing. (Oscar Sunday is my Super Bowl.)


I'll take a short recess and get back to you with my verdict.