2017 Resolution: Wipe Your Butt

January 04, 2017

On Christmas morning, I went in for my morning deuce, and found that there was about three squares of toilet paper left on the roll. I had been in both of the other bathrooms the day before, and I knew that this was the extent of toilet paper in our house.

Being full of Christmas spirit, I did the charitable thing by leaving my shorts on the floor, climbing into the bathtub, and using the spray nozzle for a warm, clean, and refreshing bidet experience. Then, when I pulled my shorts back up, they were somehow soaking wet.

No problem at home, but is there any worse feeling than pulling up your pants in a public restroom and finding that they have sopped up a puddle of mystery wetness while you did your business? When that happens to me, it takes all of my mental energy, repeating to myself, "It's just water. It's just water. It's just water..." until I'm distracted enough to forget about it. It's just the worst.

When the extended family showed up, they brought a couple of rolls in a gift bag, so the day was saved. Later, my sister reminded me that I have a box of butt wipes in there too. I'm singularly focused on those being residents of the car's glove compartment. Actually using them to wipe butts in the most needed moment never even occurred to me.


On an unrelated note, I haven't posted a link to any cool tunes lately. Here's one that I just heard for the first time and that coincidentally name checks my nephew whose birthday is tomorrow. I would really, really like it if this picture was my nephew Sam in the pool wearing his jeans and boots, but alas, it is a stranger.

One more programming note. The daily photo is back from hiatus.

Happy New Year, friends and enemies alike.