The most unintentionally funny person on television is CNN Headline News's Nancy Grace. If you aren't familiar with Nancy, she has been a regular guest on the mother network's Larry King Live for a couple of years.

My buddy Perv used to refer to the "Porn Fairy" from time to time. I wasn't sure until recently whether this was a widely known term or just something that he came up with. It seems to be the latter. Every boy I knew had experiences where they just come across unexplained pornography for no reason. For me, it was often a wet matted magazine lying out in the woods where I would play. There's no explaining how it got there other than as a gift from the porn fairy.

How do you like that? It's been more than two weeks since I posted anything here. I've gotten a couple of irate emails, and I'm sure lost a few of my 10 or so regular readers. I just wasn't feeling like spending my free time at the computer lately. I do spend my entire workday staring into the retina-melting screens you know.

I am currently reading Phil Jackson's book, *The Last Season*. It has a subtile which I can't remember. From reading the text, I'm pretty sure that Phil intended the subtitle to be, *...and Kobe Bryant is a no good whining bastard*, but the editors probably shot that down. (Actually -- to be honest -- I downloaded an mp3 copy of Phil Jackson's book, and I've been listening to it while I walk the dog in the evening. It's not the same as reading the book, but I don't really have the right verb. "I'm currently listening to the book," doesn't work, because I'm not currently listening to it. I'm currently typing on a laptop. You see the problem.)

Last March, there was an interesting post to a sailing-related email list to which I subscribe. I get a good bit of interesting stuff, and I generally just drag the message over to a folder so that I can give it a good read some time later.

Anyone interested in how the trip to Las Vegas went? I should start by lambasting that stupid "Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" advertising campaign. Why don't they just take that last step and advertise. "Hey wives and girlfriends, your men sure are going to enjoy the hookers while you're at home and they're out here!"

Dry eyes, nosebleeds, itchy skin. You guess it! It's time to go to Las Vegas. I imagine that I will spend a good percentage of my time in a sports book. I've spent a lot of time in them over the years, and I've yet to find one that meets all of my criteria for an "ideal" sports book.

Here's a quick note to whoever borrowed, broke, or stole the ashtray from the Regal Beagle on New Year's Eve: we bought another one. They're only eight bucks, so here are some thoughts:

I've been a regular visitor to Raising Cane's for many years now. For those of you out of town, Raising Cane's is a fast food place that sells nothing but fried chicken strips. No burgers, no salads, no dark meat, no options for crispy or spicy or anything like that. Just chicken. In a styrofoam box or on a bun. Take it or leave it.

I sure would like to do more posts that just regurgitate email. It isn't that I'm too lazy to make up new stuff. It's just that it hurts less when the asinine nonsense in this space isn't a product of my own brain. I want everyone to resolve to take the time to email me something amusing next week.

I caught just a minute of the Jim Rome show yesterday, and he had listeners emailing sports-related haikus. It didn't sound too challenging, so I thought I would make up some about my local sports life.

As a basketball fan. the main thing that I haven't figured out is how much to heckle the opposition at a woman's basketball game. This is an important question for me this year, because the LSU men's team just is not that good, and the Hornets are downright godawful.