Will You Hurry the F&%k Up!

As we've discussed, I have a daily challenge trying to get V ready for school. I've used everything I know of to motivate him to get ready: a piece of cake before school (pretty good parenting); a swallow of coke (even better parenting); allowing not-too-outrageous attempts to subvert the school dress code.

This morning, he turtled around the house while Kolya -- dressed and ready to go -- was abnormally quiet and contentedly playing with a toy. At some point, I got desperate and offered to V, "If you can get your shoes on and your teeth brushed in 3 minutes, I'll take that toy away from your brother."

He just looked at me, so I sweetened the offer. "I'll do it really mean and make him cry."

That didn't work anyway, and I'm glad it didn't.