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September 22nd, 2014

A few weeks ago, I was about to head out the back door to put a couple of pork shoulders on the barbecue. Just as I was on my way out, Paul showed up and grabbed the door. I was home by myself, so I welcomed the excuse to ditch the kitchen cleanup and to sit out, smell the meat, and run our mouths.

First, I had to get the fire lit. I put the meat down and poured the charcoal. Then, I thought that I needed a water pan under the meat. The left side of the grill is an upright cold smoker, with a cabinet door that opens like a refrigerator. I popped it open, and as I was turning a way, a small rat poked his head out, like “Hello!”

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Disciplining Your Children

September 19th, 2014

There’s no one of my age — at least no one whose family hails from the rural South — who hasn’t heard, “When I was bad, Daddy made me go outside and pick my own switch.”

I always dismissed this as old person hyperbole. In my mind it belongs with, “I walked fourteen miles to school barefoot every day, and it was uphill in both directions.”

I’m not really all that surprised to find out this week that there are terrible parents who break off a switch and beat their kids with it. A four year old? What the fuck?

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September 17th, 2014

Lost in the big Apple announcement this week is the fact that they’ve dropped the iPod Classic from their product list.

I don’t see anyone else still carrying these around, but mine is indispensable, and I spent the better part of a day distraught that I’m one hard drive failure from not having one any more.

I know: join the 2010s and stream that shit. Here’s the rub: I’m out and about most of the time. The bill for the bandwidth I use with my cell company would make you choke on your own spit. I don’t need to add several gigabytes every month for something I already have now.

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In Defense of My Sexuality

September 4th, 2014

Guess how many hours I’ve spent tracking down and looking at the trove of celeb naked pictures this week?

100 hours?



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Travel Log – Gulf Coast Trip Part 2

September 3rd, 2014

This is the completion of our vacation story, which I first started way back when. If you’ve forgotten all of that, go give it a quick look. I’ll meet you back here.

Wednesday, June 18 – Thursday, June 19

When we last checked in with our intrepid voyagers on Velvet Elvis, they were at a nice little anchorage at about the spot where the civilized Florida coast dissappears for good. We left there between 5:00 and 6:00, knowing that our first all day-all night-all day sail was ahead of us.

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Life is Rough

August 19th, 2014

I was getting ready for work this morning, and I substituted a long sleeved button down shirt for my usual short sleeved short.

Vanya spoke up. “Hey, you sure are handsome today. You don’t need to look that handsome.”

It’s just a cross I’ve learned to bear.

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First Day of Pre-K 3

August 11th, 2014

Before I start my story, let me say to all of my Facebook friends that I’ve really enjoyed everyone’s first day of school pictures. At least one of you has extremely cute kids. Go ahead and keep thinking it’s you.

Today was the first day of pre-K for the three-year-olds. I didn’t expect any drama, until yesterday, K started asking questions that reveal some anxiety.

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Snacks Made Out Of Other Snacks

July 3rd, 2014

There’s a certain segment of my family that has earned some notariety with the rest of the family for their propensity for making snacks out of other snacks.

For example, there’s a pickle recipe that they share that starts not with cucumbers, but with — wait for it — different pickles. I also remember a cracker that tastes vaguely like Cheese-Its, but is made from non-flavored crackers, spices, and some powder that must have a cheese-like flavor.

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