January 4th, 2017
On Christmas morning, I went in for my morning deuce, and found that there was about three squares of toilet paper left on the roll. I had been in both of the other bathrooms the day before, and I knew that this was the extent of toilet paper in our house.
Being full of Christmas spirit, I did the charitable thing by leaving my shorts on the floor, climbing into the bathtub, and using the spray nozzle for a warm, clean, and refreshing bidet experience. Then, when I pulled my shorts back up, they were somehow soaking wet.
December 28th, 2016
I’m going to tell my iPhone to call me Alexa and my Echo to call me Siri. Then, I’m going to start a conversation, shut up, and see where the dialog between the two of them goes.
(Note: I don’t even have an Echo.)
December 9th, 2016
Dear theskinnyonbenny. How long to I have to keep hanging up crappy ornaments that my kids made in preschool?
I hate to break it to you, but you have to keep hanging that shit forever. If it makes things any better, I promise you that I hung more ugly mangled garbage than you, especially since you’re a fictional construct that I used to get this topic moving.
November 10th, 2016
A couple of weeks ago, I somehow picked up a bit of a ringworm on my right calf.
It sounds like I’m a filthy animal, and I am, but it’s just a skin fungus that’s easily treated.
If I had known the variety of looks it would give me as it’s fought the fungicide over the last few days, I would have made it into a photo journal. It started with a bright red circle with itchy, scaly skin in the middle. At other times, it was a red circle with normal skin. A solid red circle. A circle with bumpy skin that didn’t itch. A circle with smooth skin that itched. This morning, it was faded to the point where it was hard to see at all. This afternoon, the former location of the circle was filled with small angry looking welts.
November 7th, 2016
It’s been like a year and a half since I got photos posted to this web site in any sort of manner that is timely enough to share.
We kicked off spooky weekend number one with a visit to a “haunted corn maze” out in the middle of nowhere. It ended up being a really big corn maze that I suspect looked very little like its map picture:
November 2nd, 2016
*kids dance to cheesy music*
Paul: Ben, I’m gonna have sex with you tonight.
Ben: I’m gonna have sex with me tonight. Get in line.
Heather: Thanks for ruining my video, assholes.
September 20th, 2016
Over the last couple of years, birthday week has been a source of some little bit of stress. The source of this is all of the Facebook greetings from people whose birthdays that I’ve ignored for years.
I’ve seen many of the birthday reminders and often passed a thought where I hope they have a good day. But I haven’t gone as far as the wall post. This is because I’m a sporadic facebooker, and I can’t throw one person birthday love without the realization that a mutual friend of equal standing was unintentionally ignored in the preceding few weeks.
If both your cell phone number and birthday are in my phone — and this is an exceedingly small subset of people that I care about — then you will probably get a text.
September 1st, 2016
A couple of weeks ago, I had an external hard drive go bad. That’s bad news for me, because it’s the one I use for both my main laptop’s backups and also my music/movie file storage. Not a huge deal — I always keep two copies of everything — but I definitely need it back in service.
The drive was under warranty, so got the return info online. I packed it up with bubble wrap, taped on my return label, and drove over to the post office. There, I did the scale and bought the stamp. Then, I dropped it in the box catcher (whatever it’s really called).
Today, I was looking for something in my bag, and I found the hard drive, just chilling out at the bottom under a secondary laptop, a bag of sunflower seeds, and an emergency pair of socks. I’m not sure what I mailed back to Seagate. Probably just an empty box full of bubble wrap.
What a donkey.