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Old Man/Young Boy

March 26th, 2015

Here are three related things that happened today, all of which indicate that I’m older than dirt.

  • While brushing my teeth this morning, I tweaked my back. For you youngsters who don’t understand that terminology, the muscles suddenly (and somewhat violently) seize up and become painful and tight.
  • To sooth my back, I turned on the seat heater for my morning drive. This wasn’t uncomfortable, because despite being about 70 degrees, it was windy and overcast, and that felt a little cool.
  • When I got up around lunch time, my back was really quite stiff and sore. I decided to walk two blocks to a convenience store to pick up a pack of Aleve. I walked down, fixed a big giant diet coke, picked up a pack of Cheese-its for good measure, and totally forgot about the Aleve.

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Drive Tunes and Thoughts

March 16th, 2015

Here’s something that I thought (but didn’t) tweet this morning:

If SiriusXM has a counter for play count, I hope they used a BIGINT field to store it.

Too nerdy to actually post, but here’s the joke: A normal integer field (type INT) stores numbers up to about 2.1 billion. BIGINT basically uses two int fields together to store the number, so you basically get a number that’s more than 2 billion times 4 billion. For those of you who are mathematically disinclined (Shelly Williams), that’s a lot more than even eight billion!

(You get to double the 2nd one up to 4 billion because — well shit, no one here cares why. You can always read this if you feel you must. Also, this link is my signal to the real nerds that I don’t care to quibble about the little mathematical details that I’ve omitted.)

The song that brought me to think that a play count of 2 billion might not be enough is this:

It was one of those songs that both Mrs. theskinnyonbenny and I bought independently, thus burning up $1.09 of our children’s future inheritance. Then, I almost never play it, because any time I want to hear it, it’s already on the radio:

I’m ready for a full blown cover, in the style of a self-important piano bar singer in a swanky hotel lobby. Can someone do that for me?

There were several times in my youth where a group of us went to Pat O’Brian’s piano bar in the French Quarter and loudly demanded that they play the Three’s Company theme song. We could shout it for hours, filling their tip jar with our sweaty singles, and getting more and more obnoxious about being ignored. It never occurred to me then that they might not know how to play it.

Would it be true that anyone who is good enough to play in the Pat O’s piano bar is good enough to play the Three’s Company theme song by ear?

I imagine that today’s pianists might not even be able to bring the Three’s Company theme song to mind.

Let’s go ahead and embed that one too.

Unrelated, except that it was also a drive-time musing:

I passed a big truck marked “TMI Transportation” the other morning. I like to picture their drivers, standing around the dispatch office trying to kill time while their trailers are readied.

Driver: “You know what? The wife slobbed my knob this morning.”

Dispatcher: “Cool. I just made a bowel movement shaped like a pretzel!”

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Mardi Gras

February 24th, 2015

[Pics in this post are clickable for bigger versions.]

My out of state friends might be lead to believe that Mardi Gras is a long weekend in February. In fact, it goes on and on forever.

Technically, Carnival starts on Kings Day (January 6) every year, and runs to a date that is chosen with some relation to Easter, which we all know comes from a ritual that the Pope does featuring chicken blood and full moons. I went to public school, so that’s about all I know on how Easter gets scheduled.

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2 Chainz Vs NG

January 16th, 2015

I gotta start checking in on Nancy Grace again. Her intro for 2 Chainz is the funniest clip I’ve seen in a while. Also she’s batshit crazy.

If the intro isn’t enough to break you up, listen to her say “Smoking a big fat doobie” at 2:12.

I know 2 Chainz music, but I’ve never heard an interview with him. He’s a pot defender, but clearly one of the most sane and levelheaded people on television whatever night this aired.

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December 16th, 2014

Once in a very great while, I site next to the kids while they are calm and quiet, and I have a chance to think over the fun we’ve had over the last few weeks or months. Tonight, I wondered how much I will remember from the past month. The answer popped into my head as quickly as the question. I will only remember what I photograph or write here. So, as much as I wouldn’t enjoy reading someone else’s parenting blog….

(But I have been meaning to tell you all a story about my friend’s German neighbor and the phrase “monkey nuts” for a good six months. Let this be a tease. I’ll try to get that story posted over the Christmas break.)

In preschool a couple of weeks ago,

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Disney, Once Again Filling Toddler Minds with Filth

December 10th, 2014

For a number of weeks, three-year-old Kolya has insisted that Anna from Frozen has a line in a song where she sings, “Pain in the Ass.” I found that to be a highly dubious claim, and when I caught him watching it after work yesterday, I asked him to give me a call when the “Pain in the Ass” part comes on.

Alas, I had missed it.

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You Checked Our Shitters, Honey?

December 8th, 2014

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, we went to get our Christmas tree. The specific criteria we had made it hard to find a place to go.

  • We wanted to cut it down ourselves.
  • The one we’ve gone to for years closed a couple of seasons ago.
  • The (not really very) close Christmas tree farm that’s left is staffed by a big monster bitch of a woman, so we didn’t want to go there.

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Embrace Technology, You Idiot Billionaires

December 3rd, 2014

I just heard that the Washington Redskins store had a Cyber Monday sale. Great deals, we missed, but you had to go to the web site, pick out what you want, and phone them to place your order.

There are a thousand old ladies knitting afghans who have an ebay store that let you order without picking up the phone. How about a billion dollar organization that can’t?

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