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Food Thief

April 12th, 2018

Yesterday, I was at my parents’s house while they were coincidentally at an appointment a block from where I had finished the school drop off circuit. They went to lunch right after, and then drove back to their house.

At 4:00 in the afternoon, I was talking to my mom in her kitchen, and I opened their to-go box. There were a couple of pieces of pizza in there, and they looked good. I wasn’t really hungry, but I wanted to try.

“Those look good, can I have them?” I asked.

“Sure.”

So I ate a piece. And I started another.

As I was halfway through that last piece, Mom shouted up the stairs, “Danny, pick up a sandwich after rehearsal, Ben’s eating your supper!”

The fuck, mom?

Read On...

Morning News

March 28th, 2018

It’s hard to get back in the habit of writing.

I’ve definitely got stories to tell. Sundy of this week reminds me of my most vivid, “I can’t believe that all happened in one day” day.

Let me see if I can tell a quick story to help break the dam.

On the way to school this morning,

Newscaster: … the subpeonas were upheld in court …

Vanya: Oh my God!

Me: What?

V: Didn’t you hear that? Something about someone who held his penis up in court!

I love V’s “Oh my God,” which he uses exclusively to point out vugarities. He delivers it musically, and it perfectly conveys that he knows to be shocked and offended while giving a mere hint of the fact that he is tremendously amused.

K, on the other hand loves the profane with no subtlety at all. I can’t deliver a good swear in front of him, because he just runs with it. And I can’t even describe how delighted he was to learn about giving the middle finger. Gotta watch myself with that one.

That wasn’t so hard. Maybe more to come.

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Frigid

January 16th, 2018

School is closed today because it’s really cold, getting colder, and there’s a slight chance of winter precipitation later.

I’ve complained in the past about cancelling school because it’s “really quite cold and also raining,” but the forecast for the next couple of nights is in the teens and twenties. I’ll concede that one, Louisiana — that is really quite cold.

Last winter time this year, we had no winter at all. Some cool nights, but I doubt we had a three day stretch where it was too cold to wear shorts. It’s weird that when mother nature cranks up the cold and bullshit, she does it over and over one winter and then forgets about us for several years.

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Facebook Has Me Down as a Black Conservative

November 2nd, 2017

If you dig down into your Facebook settings, you can see the categories that they put you in for the sake of pimping you out to advertisers. I checked mine this morning.

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Momendecker

October 20th, 2017

I keep hearing V walking around singing a catchy little song. He sings,

Momendecker
High in the 70s

as if he’s delivering a weather forecast for the fictional town of Momendecker. I encourage this thought, and I’ve even kept on making up words that I’ll sing once he gets the tune stuck in my head.

Momendecker
High in the 70s
From the southwest
Expect a 12 knot breeze.

I know how he is when he catches an earworm, and he’s definitely walking around his Jesus school singing this between classes. So it’s fortunate that he doesn’t know the real words:

Mom and Dad got
High in the 70s and
They found some pot
To plant a little seed in

Have a listen:

Read On...

Thinking Football

September 10th, 2017

I woke up this morning, and my mind flashed to three questions, in this order:

1) Did Oklahoma finish putting away the Buckeyes after I fell asleep? (That was my college football underdog pick this week. And in case you’re wondering, they did win.)

2) Is Odell Beckham Jr going to play today? (Fantasy implications, and the Giants aren’t telling.)

3) Is there still such a place as Key West? (Still not quite sure what the answer is.)

From there, I went through all of the college football scores from yesterday. There were a lot of good games, and I missed a lot of action. I was, however, the only person outside of Indiana or Virginia to watch the whole IU/Virginia game. Indiana is for real, y’all. That game wasn’t nearly as close as the score showed.

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Shipping News

August 18th, 2017

Bright people, when they struggle with something, will seek out tools and techniques that help them manage more easily. V has a lot of trouble spelling, and so to help, he’ll often use a dictation app to help him get from his thoughts — which he can easily verbalize — to the written form.

I was working with him on a book report on a nonfiction book about pirates. One of the headings on his template was, “What did you dislike about this book?” He decided the detailed drawings of different types of ships and their parts and pieces. This is heartbreaking to me, because I could spend all day studying diagrams like this

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School Drive

August 10th, 2017

It’s the first full week of August, and school is back underway. V is a big middle schooler, which to him means the freedom to mill about aimlessly before classes start in the morning, severely limited recess, and authority to use the sandwich press in the cafeteria at lunchtime. Two positives to one negative — not bad.

He was initially upset with the combination lock instructions, being given a combination with numbers like 18 and 32, and a lock that DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THOSE NUMBERS! Once I translated 18 to “go to 20 and then 2 more ticks” and did similars for the other numbers, it was clear as could be. He worked on it over the off days and had his opening time down to 13 seconds before the first day of school.

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