Velvet Elvis
Photo Galleries
Adopting from Russia
Live Itunes Playlist ♪
From Others
Email Benny


November 10th, 2016

A couple of weeks ago, I somehow picked up a bit of a ringworm on my right calf.

It sounds like I’m a filthy animal, and I am, but it’s just a skin fungus that’s easily treated.

If I had known the variety of looks it would give me as it’s fought the fungicide over the last few days, I would have made it into a photo journal. It started with a bright red circle with itchy, scaly skin in the middle. At other times, it was a red circle with normal skin. A solid red circle. A circle with bumpy skin that didn’t itch. A circle with smooth skin that itched. This morning, it was faded to the point where it was hard to see at all. This afternoon, the former location of the circle was filled with small angry looking welts.

Read On...

Halloween-time Recap and Pictures

November 7th, 2016

It’s been like a year and a half since I got photos posted to this web site in any sort of manner that is timely enough to share.

Until now.

We kicked off spooky weekend number one with a visit to a “haunted corn maze” out in the middle of nowhere. It ended up being a really big corn maze that I suspect looked very little like its map picture:

Read On...

Kids Dance to Cheesy Music

November 2nd, 2016

*kids dance to cheesy music*

Paul: Ben, I’m gonna have sex with you tonight.

Ben: I’m gonna have sex with me tonight. Get in line.

Heather: Thanks for ruining my video, assholes.

Read On...

Happy Birthday Back At Ya

September 20th, 2016

Over the last couple of years, birthday week has been a source of some little bit of stress. The source of this is all of the Facebook greetings from people whose birthdays that I’ve ignored for years.

I’ve seen many of the birthday reminders and often passed a thought where I hope they have a good day. But I haven’t gone as far as the wall post. This is because I’m a sporadic facebooker, and I can’t throw one person birthday love without the realization that a mutual friend of equal standing was unintentionally ignored in the preceding few weeks.

If both your cell phone number and birthday are in my phone — and this is an exceedingly small subset of people that I care about — then you will probably get a text.

Read On...

Hard Drive Hard Times

September 1st, 2016

A couple of weeks ago, I had an external hard drive go bad. That’s bad news for me, because it’s the one I use for both my main laptop’s backups and also my music/movie file storage. Not a huge deal — I always keep two copies of everything — but I definitely need it back in service.

The drive was under warranty, so got the return info online. I packed it up with bubble wrap, taped on my return label, and drove over to the post office. There, I did the scale and bought the stamp. Then, I dropped it in the box catcher (whatever it’s really called).

Today, I was looking for something in my bag, and I found the hard drive, just chilling out at the bottom under a secondary laptop, a bag of sunflower seeds, and an emergency pair of socks. I’m not sure what I mailed back to Seagate. Probably just an empty box full of bubble wrap.

What a donkey.

Read On...

Fantasy Football Team Names That You’re Free to Steal

August 29th, 2016
  • AJ Green Day
  • My Gurley Can’t Brandon Cooks (Not intended as a reflection on Mrs. theskinnyonbenny, although she will assume that it is.)
  • Tyler Lockett Out of Heaven
  • Please Hammer don’t Ertz ‘Em
  • The Wise Men Rode Gronkeys (I went with this one, as a nod to my favorite religion teacher. Hi Carmel!)
  • Revis and Butthead (I’ve had this one in mind for years but never used it.)
  • My Ball Zach Ertz (My favorite.)
  • After Forbath, I still smell Diarse (next year)

Read On...

Kindergarten Lunch Duty

August 23rd, 2016

K is always quiet on his way to school, and it often freaks me out, since he’s never quiet. This morning was his second full day of school — and his first where I wasn’t planning to walk him in, and I was afraid that he was nervous about finding his way around.

At a stop light, I turned back to him and asked, “Are you sure you know where to go when I drop you off?”

Read On...


July 7th, 2016

Tip of the cap to AAA. I called last night because we had a car with a dead battery. The only thing I had to type in for the computer is my account number. Called again today, and their system must have associated my phone number and the account, because I got right to a human without having to enter anything. She confirmed me by name, and I didn’t have to read off my number or verify any silly childhood memories. Very nice.

Far more exciting things have been going on than dead batteries. More site updates coming soon.

Read On...