Here at theskinnyonbenny, we try to avoid politiacally sensitive topics. Not because we shy away from controversy, but because we generally find political topics to be really, really boring. But recent news got us to doing a little reading, and that led to a little research, so in the interest of reporting something that’s not really out there, we present some facts here.

(And becuase we know how boring political blogs really are, we’ve tried to avoid words as much as possible.)

What Planned Parenthood actually does:

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Those of you who are further removed from our lives probably saw this coming. We turned into some sort of crazy cousin parent offspring to pageant moms.

I thought of this as I made my mental checklist for stuff to take to the dog parade on Saturday: string. check. safety pins. check. duct tape. check. makeup.

Makeup was a new wrinkle this year, and I think we have to give it credit for our second first place ribbon in as many years. That’s right, losers. We’re gunning for a three-peat.

(See? I’m a pageant mom.)

But I always go into these things thinking that the pain-in-the-ass aspect of it isn’t worth the fun that we have. I remember all of the futzing with trying to make dogs keep wigs or hats on their head. Add a one-year-old and little time to prepare, and to be honest, I dreaded this from the starting gun.

We through together a float on Sunday morning. It was a wagon, turned into a rolling jail. It was a lot more flimsy and shitty than it was when I pictured it in my head, but since it was housing The Joker, the effect kind of worked.

So yes, the baby was The Joker, and we went back to a set of costumes from a few years ago, with Vanya as Batman, Lily as Robin, and Blossom resurrecting her role as Wonder Woman, in the same costume that I bought for Halloween 2004. No one can say that we don’t get our money’s worth out of a Halloween costume. Why we don’t find a cool little place on Government Street and open up a costume shop, I’ll never understand.

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I start with this tweet from my feed for two reasons. First, it’s spot-on. Second, it relates to the story that unfolds herein. Although, come to think of it, if you’ve read the title of this post, and the tweet, you can pretty much fill in the rest of it all by yourself.

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Sunday is the Krewe of Mutts, which regular readers will recognize as the Mardi Gras parade in Baton Rouge for dogs. This year’s theme is “The Good, the Bad, and the Furry.”

My best costume idea is to dress the dogs like WW2 American soldiers. Then, I’ll have Vanya dressed as a Nazi, pulling the wagon with Kolya in there, wearing a gray suit and a Hitler mustache.

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At the risk of jinxing it, we’ve had nothing but lovely weather this month. A little rain, but nothing like usual in the winter, and the usual post-rain cold weather has so far failed to materialize. We’ve had some cool mornings, but in truth, it’s been warm enough for shorts every day.

It was a great win for the inaugural Louisiana Marathon, which managed to parlay the weather with a long holiday weekend in January to come up with a destination event for runners. On Saturday, there was a 10K, followed by a 1.2-mile kids run. I had taken Vanya for a couple of practice runs, and he was set to have a good go of it. On our last practice, he ran a mile in 13 minutes, despite skipping for the first quarter mile and tripping, skidding along the road, and stopping to cry for a few minutes. I really expected to run it in 10 or 11 minutes, which would be about as fast as I’m capable of pacing him.

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Of late, I’ve been crippled with fear of posting to my blog. The topic that came right to mind was the outrageously good football season that we were having, but when it comes to football fandom, I hold superstitions, and that ridiculous part of my brain doesn’t allow me to deviate from whatever routine I was able to establish when the wins were coming.

So I watched every game without a stitch of underwear on. I went all season without washing my hat. (Note to self: don’t buy any more white hats.) And I didn’t praise our team in writing.

Of course, what was to be the best season in my lifetime, possibly the best season in school history disappeared.

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I’ve got a story from our travels in Russia that I think more properly belongs here in my (poor, neglected) blog than it does over in the adoption journal going on in the family-oriented section of my website.

We spent yesterday walking around Yaroslavl, and we found a crowded open-air market. Lots of hats, sweaters, stuff like that. It was cold outside, but the market was still crowded with people bundled up and going through the packed little stalls.

One stall had a mannequin, in the female shape, and that mannequin was wearing a sweater. But apparently, the sweater wasn’t enough to keep the mannequin warm, because her swollen breasts were adorned with prominent nipples.

I didn’t take a photo. I would have had to stop and pull my camera out from the inside of my coat, and, well, it would have just been too weird.

Who would make a mannequin with nipples?

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Yesterday morning, I was behind a car at a stop light, and there was a little black dog with his head sticking out of the passenger side window. And I shit you not, the dog was wearing goggles. I tried several times to get a cell phone picture, but the dog kept turning away as the picture took, and then Mrs. theskinnyonbenny phoned. I got three shots of the back of the damn dog’s head.

	I swear that this dog is wearing goggles.

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