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January 16th, 2018

School is closed today because it’s really cold, getting colder, and there’s a slight chance of winter precipitation later.

I’ve complained in the past about cancelling school because it’s “really quite cold and also raining,” but the forecast for the next couple of nights is in the teens and twenties. I’ll concede that one, Louisiana — that is really quite cold.

Last winter time this year, we had no winter at all. Some cool nights, but I doubt we had a three day stretch where it was too cold to wear shorts. It’s weird that when mother nature cranks up the cold and bullshit, she does it over and over one winter and then forgets about us for several years.

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Facebook Has Me Down as a Black Conservative

November 2nd, 2017

If you dig down into your Facebook settings, you can see the categories that they put you in for the sake of pimping you out to advertisers. I checked mine this morning.

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October 20th, 2017

I keep hearing V walking around singing a catchy little song. He sings,

High in the 70s

as if he’s delivering a weather forecast for the fictional town of Momendecker. I encourage this thought, and I’ve even kept on making up words that I’ll sing once he gets the tune stuck in my head.

High in the 70s
From the southwest
Expect a 12 knot breeze.

I know how he is when he catches an earworm, and he’s definitely walking around his Jesus school singing this between classes. So it’s fortunate that he doesn’t know the real words:

Mom and Dad got
High in the 70s and
They found some pot
To plant a little seed in

Have a listen:

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Thinking Football

September 10th, 2017

I woke up this morning, and my mind flashed to three questions, in this order:

1) Did Oklahoma finish putting away the Buckeyes after I fell asleep? (That was my college football underdog pick this week. And in case you’re wondering, they did win.)

2) Is Odell Beckham Jr going to play today? (Fantasy implications, and the Giants aren’t telling.)

3) Is there still such a place as Key West? (Still not quite sure what the answer is.)

From there, I went through all of the college football scores from yesterday. There were a lot of good games, and I missed a lot of action. I was, however, the only person outside of Indiana or Virginia to watch the whole IU/Virginia game. Indiana is for real, y’all. That game wasn’t nearly as close as the score showed.

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Shipping News

August 18th, 2017

Bright people, when they struggle with something, will seek out tools and techniques that help them manage more easily. V has a lot of trouble spelling, and so to help, he’ll often use a dictation app to help him get from his thoughts — which he can easily verbalize — to the written form.

I was working with him on a book report on a nonfiction book about pirates. One of the headings on his template was, “What did you dislike about this book?” He decided the detailed drawings of different types of ships and their parts and pieces. This is heartbreaking to me, because I could spend all day studying diagrams like this

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School Drive

August 10th, 2017

It’s the first full week of August, and school is back underway. V is a big middle schooler, which to him means the freedom to mill about aimlessly before classes start in the morning, severely limited recess, and authority to use the sandwich press in the cafeteria at lunchtime. Two positives to one negative — not bad.

He was initially upset with the combination lock instructions, being given a combination with numbers like 18 and 32, and a lock that DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THOSE NUMBERS! Once I translated 18 to “go to 20 and then 2 more ticks” and did similars for the other numbers, it was clear as could be. He worked on it over the off days and had his opening time down to 13 seconds before the first day of school.

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Rolling Rolling Rolling Through the Summer

July 25th, 2017

For the first time in many years, we went on Summer vacation without taking the helm of a sailboat. Instead, I took the helm of the motor van San Clemente for a tour of the Pacific Northwest. We started out north of Seattle, ferried through the San Juan Islands of Washington, crossed over the Vancouver island in Canada. From there, we crossed British Columbia and visited several Canadian National Parks in their Rocky Mountain range. Finally, we circled back into Washington for a few days before heading home.

It was an excellent trip. The people of Washington and British Columbia must be like “aw, yeah, hmmmm…” every time they go somewhere for the scenery, as it’s very hard to match what they left behind. A lot like us in Louisiana sampling food at our travel destinations. (I will give the nod to Pacific oysters over Gulf oysters, but on the other hand, you pay for them.)

Several times, I’ve said that you could pick the ugliest two mile square of British Columbia, plop it down where the town of Shreveport sits today, and you would have a U.S. National Park that would draw millions of visitors every year. We did better than that, by accidentally falling into a promotoional year for Canadian National Parks where all admission fees were waived for their sesquicentennial. Woo hoo.

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The Worst Copywriter In History

May 19th, 2017

My sister recently left a job where she worked for a real nut.  Their business was butt wipes.  Pretty simple.

Below is the text from an email that boss man sent the advertising agency describing a commercial he wanted to make.  All wording and grammer are exactly as he sent them, with the excitation that I’ve replaced the brand name with blanks.

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