DNC Stats

August 29, 2008

I watched the Democratic National Convention this week with an eye toward statistics. Here are a few tidbits for you.

9.785 Wolf Blitzer's douchebag rating, on a scale of 1 to 10.
2% Odds that I would have given 5 years ago that a black man that I'd never heard of would be the next president.
0.05% Odds that I would have given 5 years ago that a man that I'd never heard of with a name like "Barak Obama" would be the next president.
10 Approximate number of minutes of Obama's big speech that I watched while also keeping up with a fairly boring college football game on split screen.
9.6 Embarassment that I have, on a scale from 1 to 10, that I kind of chuckled at Hillary Clinton's "Sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits" quip. Even though I was in the living room by myself, and no one need have known if I hadn't just typed it here.
12 Approximate number of plastic forks that my kid wasted at a Democratic Party gathering downtown the evening of Obama's speech. I had to tell him, "Wasting plastic forks makes Al Gore cry." I didn't know if that would be a kosher joke at such an event, but it didn't seem to ruffle any feathers.
100 Percent chance that if Barak Obama is elected, Michelle Obama will be the hottest first lady in my lifetime.
74 Percent decrease in the amount of poonanny that Bill Clinton gets, now that he looks like an old man in a rubber Bill Clinton mask. Also, it doesn't help that he's no longer leader of the free world.
672 Number of times better looking that Chelsea Clinton is today, compared to how she looked when her father was president.
6197 Brightness, measured in lumens, of Joe Biden's teeth.
6 Number of people in a Cleveland living room where CNN filmed people watching Obama's speech. CNN is scheduled to film at my house during McCain's speech. Me, Mrs. theskinnyonbenny staring blankly at the screen while two dogs bark and fart would be just as interesting as that Cleveland family.
2 Old man, dark blue running shoes that James Carville was wearing Wednesday night with his suit. I don't think he thought CNN would pan out far enough to shoot his feet.
8 Pounds of poo poo that I suspect John McCain left in his adult diapers Thursday night, after realizing that he has that act to follow. Who am I kidding? He's an old man. He didn't see a tape of the speech until something like 4:30 Friday morning.
1 Times Obama mentioned gays and lesbians, and CNN went to a crowd shot close up of a heavy set woman with short hair. I hope she's straight, and I hope she's pissed. That would make me laugh.