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Birthday Greeting

Tuesday, February 5th, 2013

The only rule I really set for myself when posting here is that I don’t make fun of Mrs. theskinnyonbenny. She might tell you otherwise, but the truth is that I’m an absolute paragon of marital comedic restraint.

But some things are just too funny not to share.

Thursday is Vanya’s birthday (Happy Birthday V!). He likes cards that sing and make noise, to the point where if he sees a greeting card aisle, he’s liable to take a detour and cost you five or ten minutes while he looks through the cards.

In a hurry, Mrs. theskinnyonbenny got him a singing card this week. Let’s listen to the actual card that we gave my son for his seventh birthday.

I know it’s a little hard to read in the video, so here are the words, which are both printed inside the card and sung by the recorded hombres.

Aye-yi-yi-yi
Someone is getting older
That why-yi-yi-yi
your sex life is getting colder
Your fiesta days are gone
now that your over the hill-a!
But you can forget it all now
with a few shots of tequila!!

Sexual content?

Check.

Encouraging binge drinking?

Check.

Unfunny cultural stereotyping?

Check. (In spades.)

I don’t know how or when it happened, but more and more, I’m finding myself married to Lucille Bluth.

As you saw, she clearly took the time to open the card and write a greeting. But she wasn’t paying attention, and she had no idea what she had given V until I opened it (some time after he had already put it aside), and started reading the lyrics.

I only gotten to the part about the colder sex life when I abandoned the card to find Mrs. theskinnyonbenny. I couldn’t stop laughing, but I had to ask, “Didn’t you read that card?”

By the time I choked out the part about my seven-year-old’s chilling sex life, I had tears in my eyes. It took several minutes for me to return to the card to see how the verse ended.

I was pleased to see that tequila shots weren’t overlooked.